The Sabbatical continues, but feel like I am starting to learn
some of the lessons I need to learn.
I am getting into a better rhythm of spending time in the Word,
and have enjoyed unpacking Acts, Romans and Corinthians. One of the high points of my week is Thursday
night when a good friend comes over and we discuss what we’ve been learning from
the word, and pray through those areas of our lives that God is trying to
refine. It has been so good to have someone
holding me accountable, and praying for me on this journey through uncharted
territory.
One of my biggest concerns heading into this Sabbatical was
wondering where I would find people with whom I could process my thoughts. I come to better conclusions when I can talk
things out and get other perspectives. (This
desire to get other peoples’ perspectives is one of the reasons that I started
blogging) Thankfully, God had a plan for
that, and had my Sabbatical start up the same time he had some of our best
friends, and their 4 kids, move in with us.
The community that we are sharing has been such a blessing, in that it simultaneously
has allowed me to withdraw from most things, without withdrawing
completely. I have a brother I can
bounce ideas off, extra kids to love on, and people I can serve; even it is
just by playing with an adorable baby for a few minutes while her momma does
chores. Having built in playmates for my
kids has also given me time to exercise, stack my wood, and find quite minutes
to read.
We’ve found a church where we can ‘hide’. By that I mean we’ve found a place where we
can worship, and listen to practical teaching without feeling the need to be
social. We know this is not ideal, but
it is a step in the right direction for us.
Checking out churches after a messy separation feels like I imagine
dating would feel after your spouse has died… Maybe it is a healthy part of
moving on with life, but mostly it’s just awkward, especially at the beginning... That said, it has been good to see my kids
learning from people who are investing time during the week into finding ways
to make God’s word come alive to little minds.
There is nothing quite like hearing your 3 year old tell you that he won’t
be afraid because, as he says “I know God is always with me, so it would be
silly to be afraid!”, especially when that was the bottom line from last Sunday’s
lesson for preschoolers...
But Isaac isn’t the only one who has been learning. I’ve been challenged by a few of the messages
as well. One talked about how much more effective
the truth is when it comes from a joyful person. This really hit home, because one criticism I
received at the end of my time at Calvary Baptist was that I always seemed
ready for a fight. I realize now that this
put people on the defensive and made them less likely to listen to what I had
to say, no matter how right I may have been.
If the same truth had been delivered with a smile instead of a scowl, it
might have been more effective. I had lost
heart and become wearing in doing good. Because
of that fatigue, I was short tempered and irritable.
I learned Galatians 6:9 in the NIV which says “Let us not become weary in doing good, for
at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” I took the verse a reminder not to quit when I
became weary” But really the verse says “DO NOT BECOME WEARY”. The NASB says more clearly: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in
due time we will reap if we do not grow weary”. Hear we see that weariness itself can have a
negative, even catastrophic impact on the outcome of our service to God. There is a connection between the attitude (heart)
that we bring to doing good and the effectiveness of it.
It isn’t as though we shouldn’t be passionate. Paul, who said “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we
do not grow weary” also said, “I have
great sorrow and unceasing anguish in my heart. For I wish that I myself were cursed and cut
off from Christ for the sake of my people, those of my own race, the people of
Israel.” He was clearly passionate.
But something kept that passion from becoming crippling frustration and bitterness.
I am not sure what that something was. Perhaps it was in realizing that we are responsible
for our own obedience, and not responsible for convincing others to obey? Jesus shared the truth but finally said, “Jerusalem, Jerusalem, you who kill the
prophets and stone those sent to you, how often I have longed to gather your
children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, and you were not willing. Look, your house is left to you desolate.” He knew that the responsibility to
respond was ultimately on the hearer. He
told his disciples “If the home is deserving,
let your peace rest on it; if it is not, let your peace return to you. If anyone will not welcome you or listen to
your words, leave that home or town and shake the dust off your feet.” He didn’t say “find a different way to make
them listen” he said something much more like “brush it off and go find someone
who will listen”.
Maybe the secret is in knowing when to withdraw and move
on. Jesus practiced this, He trained His
disciples to do it, and Paul certainly did.
They all faced a certain amount of adversity, but also knew when to call
it a day, and when to pack it up and move on. Then again, Jesus faced the stress of his ministry
by frequently withdrawing to lonely places to pray. Maybe it isn’t about
quitting, maybe it is about finding ways to unplug and blow off steam before
you boil over. Maybe regular withdrawal needs
to be part of my discipline? Or maybe “Suffering brings about perseverance; and
perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; and hope does not
disappoint.” Such hope, that the One
who called you to do something is able to do it, even when you are not, may prevent
you from losing heart when circumstances cause great sorrow and unceasing
anguish…
