Prelude to a Walkabout

Some cultures call it a walkabout, some a vision quest, I like to think of it as a mini version of what Jesus did...  Going off into the wilderness to meet with God.  Jesus did it for 40 days, I'll be doing it for 9, and he did it without food or drink, I'll be bringing both, but the goal is the same: to get away from all of the distractions, and get some much needed perspective on my mission.

I did this for the first time 7 years ago.  So much has changed since.  7 years ago I was single, today I am a husband and father.  7 years ago I was an 'almost man' in transition, today I am a tree with roots.  I think that I have learned more about who God is and what matters in the last seven years that I had in all of the years leading up to them.  It started with a journey.

I was broken when I started that journey, and I learned that I needed further breaking.  I profoundly proud, and needed to be humbled before I would truly be useful.  I had just made the decision to leave the church where I had grown up, and where I had first served my King. Circumstances had come together to make me see some things about the culture that had formed my view of who God was, that I could not tolerate, and I had to leave.  But my whole identity was wrapped up in that culture.  Who was I without it?  That was what I needed to find out, and that was the reason for my first walkabout. 

I hit the Appalachian Trail, or AT, for what I thought would be a 30+ day hike from the New Hampshire border to the top of Mount Katadhin...  I was home within 48 hours.  I will never forget the meeting I had at the top of that first mountain.  Two old guys were in the lean two when I arrived.  They took one look at me and laughed.  "What are you planning to do with that axe" they asked, "Who do you think you are, Paul Bunyan?"  They were guides, men who knew the mountains well.  They would lead boy scouts into the woods, and help them understand what they were doing.  They asked me how heavy my pack was, and were extremely critical of almost every item I unloaded to use that night.  They offered to go through my pack like they would do for the boy scouts, and help me get rid of anything I didn't need.  I was tired and achy, and didn't want any part of their harsh criticism.

Today I wish I could find them and ask them to go through my pack and weed out anything I didn't need.  Friday I will start my hike with less than 1/2 as many pounds on my back... 

Those old guys knew what they were talking about.  Because Before I had gone two miles the next day my legs were so tired and achy that they were literally twitching on their own.  It was the strangest thing I've ever experienced. Like some kind of localized seizure...  After falling several times, I did the only logical thing I could do.  Made it to a road, and got out of the woods.

Before I hit the trail again, I took some advise.  I lightened my load, a bit, and started back out.  This time I was only two days in when I slipped, and re-injured my bad knee (originally injured in a car accident 3 years earlier).  I hobbled the next 4 miles to a road, and out I went.  Defeated and dejected.

After licking my wounds (mostly my ego) for a few days, I decided to try one more time.  I picked a section of woods where I would have to go several days  before I'd even be able to get out.  My first night of that hike I was surrounded by people, several of whom were smoking pot and using every 4 letter word I'd ever heard and even some I'd never heard before.  I remember getting ready to set up my tent away from the group, when for the first time on this walkabout I heard God loud and clear. 

God: "Go be with them."
Me: "I didn't come out hear to be around all of that, I came out her to be ALONE, with You."
God:"You are the light of the world, no one lights a lamp and hides it under a bowl".
Me: (grumpy) "Fine!"

I met the Jersey boys, a pot smoking, foul mouthed duo of ner-do-wells.  I met an unmarried couple my parents age who were adept at blending in with any crowd, and I met Mark, a quite marathon running, father of 2 teenagers who was quietly reading a book.

I got a chance to share my Bible and some good conversation with Mark, and by the end of our hike, we prayed together as Mark repented for 2 decades spent running from God. 

The very next morning I split my toe wide open and had to limp out and call it a summer. (I learned a great lesson that day that I will recount for you some other time...)  But that summer I learned what the Bible means when it says: "Whoever exalts himself will be humbled, but he who humbles himself will be exalted.  For God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble."

I had a plan for how I wanted to pursue God.  God taught me that He is the one who does the pursuing.  All I have to do is listen, trust and obey.  He used my weakness to move me into a place where He could use me.  He did it litterally that summer, but He also taught me that His strength is not best seen by my using my strengths.  His strength is made perfect in weakness.

So as I venture out for another walkabout, my first as a husband and father, I am praying that God's agenda will be met.  Whatever that entails...  And I'll tell you all about it in a week or two.