Ignorance is Bliss

Ignorance is Bliss.  Really that's not just a title, this is going to be one of those annoyingly introspective blog posts that you'll probably be glad you didn't read. If you aren't in that kind of mood, then you have my permission, no, blessing, to stop reading now...

A few years ago I took a very in depth personality profile through a program called Clarion, that a friend of mine takes people through. The primary goal of Clarion's assessment is to help people understand their own strengths and weaknesses, and what they bring to a team, so that they will be able work better as part of a team.  Parts of it are specifically geared to the church world, but the personality assessments were things I had learned about in psychology classes in college.  Clarion was one of the best things I ever could have done for my marriage, and I highly recommend it.  I would also recommend that any board or committee or ministry team go through the process.  It will revolutionize the way you interact.  If you are in New England and interested in learning more I can put you in touch with the friend who took me through it. 

One of the things Clarion assesses is how you handle being controlled.  Maybe managed is a better word. It came as no great shock that I value autonomy highly.  According to Clarion I don't have to be in control of others, but I really don't like being micro managed.  What it really comes down to is that I highly value being in control of my own outcomes. 


Recently I have learned that I really don't like being "out of the loop" when it comes to decisions being made around me.

Realizing this has forced some introspection.  Why is it that I can't be content with just doing the best I can with what I have been given?  Why do I feel the need to probe and push everything around me?  Clarion tells me that part of the reason is that I am what's called a "Change Agent".  Which may be a nice way of saying that I have the personality of "A person who can't leave well enough alone".  I prefer to think of it as "Challenger to the status quo".  To put into terms of another leadership book I read,  I'm more like the marine who takes the hill, than the guys who come in behind and set up artillery on it. 

I am coming to realize (or at least trying to realize) that ignorance is bliss, because when I stop trying to change everything around me I can focus on just changing what is in front of me.  Being faithful with a few things, rather than trying to leave my mark on everything.  This is helpful because I am also riddled with ADD... Perhaps it is possible that God intentionally has me out of the loop on certain things as a way of directing my focus to what He wants me to focus on.  A type of refinement through circumstances I would not have chosen. With that focus, I am able to move on from my typical "jack of all trades" type way of interacting with the world toward the excellence that is my ultimate goal. 

Thank you Lord, for putting up with me and my flawed ways of thinking.  Thank you for renewing my mind.  Help me to stay focused on the tasks you've called me to without meddling in the places that just don't need my "help".  Most of all thank you for your patience.

Journey (Part Three of Many)

A fact of life, an axiom if you will,  is that people behave according to what they believe. (not according to what they say they believe)  Case and point:  I can tell my wife I love her until I am breathless.  I can believe that I love my wife with all my heart, but until I understand what causes her to feel loved, and do that, she will not be loved. 

As Paul put it, if I can fathom all mysteries, and possess all knowledge but if I have not love, I gain nothing.

I desire to change, not just by reading, but by applying  what I have read.  I desire to do more than meet or listen to compelling individuals.  Instead I want to emulate those characteristics that I find compelling.  I want to filter what I find compelling through the scripture, and I want to know Christ, first by studying Him, then by walking  mile after mile in His sandals.  I want to live like He lived, selflessly, sacrificially  and focused solely on the glory of the Father.

I share this with you, not so that you will think I am wonderful, or spiritual, or intellectual.   I realize that there is always someone more wonderful you could be listening to, more spiritual that you could learn from, and certainly there are many more intellectual who could convey what I am trying to say in a more concise or articulate way.  I simply share these things with you because I appreciate what others have taken the time to write down and share with me. 

Journey (Part Two of Many)

There is a subtle but profound difference between being a student and being a disciple. 

A student accumulates and repeats information.  A disciple replicates behavior.   

Bear in mind, Christian, that we are not commanded to make students, but to make disciples.  Therefore we must be more than students ourselves.

Paul tells us in Romans 12 that transformation comes with the renewing of our mind.  When we stop being swept along by the flow of culture, the business of life, and the pattern of those around us, and become people who are desperate to understand the otherwise mysterious will of God.  Being a disciple isn't simply about seeking truth, but about seeking the source of truth.  Christian life isn't knowing about God, it is about knowing God, and imitating Him, like a child imitates a parent.  Belief is not intellectual assent.  It is far more agreement on a set of facts.  Belief is what we do with the information we have received.  

 

 

Knowing how to walk will not get me across a room, getting up and walking will.

Haven (Part 1 of Many)

Years before my wife and I met, God put a dream in my heart.  That dream was to own a place where people who were weary from the world could come and find rest.  In my mind it was a camp in the woods, were the world-weary could come, serve, encounter God and live simply until they recovered from the storm.  I almost bought 140-acre plot of land to make it happen, but then I met a girl, bought a house and started a family. 

That girl had a dream; something God had put on her heart.  That dream was to own a place where people who were weary from the world could come and find rest.  In her mind it was a small hotel or bed and breakfast, where world-weary people could come, serve, encounter God and live simply until they recovered from the storm.  She had her eye on a large house in the western mountains of Maine that she thought would be perfect for this, but she was a missionary in Hungary, until she met a boy, bought a house and started a family.

Five years passed.  In that time they had two beautiful boys, had several different people live with them, learned how important family is to the mission they both felt called to do, applied for a job that offered great fiancial security, learned a lot about trust, sold their house, turned down a job that offered great financial security, moved in with friends who seemed to have a similar vision only to have that experiment end without really ever getting started, interned at their church, learned a the feet of a great mentor, made life long friends, battled bi-polar disorder, baptized new believers and waited for God’s timing. 

Then the phone rang... 

Tune in sometime in September or October to find out more...

Journey (Part One of Many)

I am on a journey.  A journey of finding my place in God's big story.  I want to discover what the Ephesians 2:10 means for me personally.  What good works was I created to do?  Why did God choose to breathe life into Charlie Hodsdon? 

As I have moved along this journey I have become persuaded that whomever it was that shared the following tid-bit was on to something: "5 years from now you will be the same person you are today except for the people you have met and the books that you have read."   (If I knew where the quote originated, I would give credit where it is due.)

I am entirely grateful for those who have taken the time to share their experiences in books, so that I can learn vicariously, and I am even more indebted to those who have taken the time to share their lives with me so that I can learn from their wisdom.  But I am also convinced that this observation about people and books, is, when taken in isolation, only half right. 

Without the Bible as my filter, I am not sure I would have taken the next step, but James 1:22 we read, "Be doers of the word, not hearers only, deceiving yourselves."  It is not enough just to read books or have experiences with interesting people, you must internalize the lessons learned, and put them into action, otherwise you are merely accumulating knowledge.  "Knowledge puffs up, but love builds up."

Vacation

The last vacation I took was in 2007, my wife and I went to Hungary.  Five years and two kids latter, my wife and I took our two boys on vacation again.  This time camping in the White Mountains and StoryLand.  I hope we don't have to wait five years to do it again.

If you want cute pictures and stories, check out my wife's blog Shanbrosia.  Since you are reading my blog you are in for some introspection.  So here are some things I learned:

1: Family time is of infinite value.  Whether it was sharing a dairy free icecream and conversation with my two year old, campfire conversations with my wife, or swimming in the deep end with my four year old, there is simply nothing that compares with the value of quality time.  My favorite moment was visiting the chapel at Storyland with my two year old on my shoulders.  As we left he said "dadda, too bad we not live here, maybe in heaven"  We then talked about God, and heaven, and what Jesus did for us. In the midst of this deep conversation, I asked him how God cleans our hearts, and he cheerfully told me "With a broom".  Not exactly great theology, but a great moment with my two year old.

2: We fail when we fail to plan.  We had a plan for the first two days of our vacation, then we thought we'd play it by ear for a day.  We started off with a train ride, which was awesome, but after a nap and a swim we headed out again, our plan was just to get ice, but we got spontaneous, and headed to the Conway outlets, and it quickly descended into chaos. We pulled into McDonalds for a quick meal, and the boys wanted to play in the play place, which required socks, that we didn't have, so we spent a little extra and bought McDonalds socks (did you know you can buy socks at McDonalds?)  In the first outlet store we visited they had a table of legos for the kids to play with while Shandy shopped, we thought this was a great idea, until we tried to leave, and Isaac started screaming.  The shopping trip got worse from there, and we did that terrible thing that parents some times do.  We bribed them.  "If you are good we can buy a toy"  We'll good was relative, but it happened, then came the toy store.  Silas has expensive tastes, and didn't want anything under $30.00, and we had more crying and fussing, and shame on me I still bought him a toy.  As my wife and I debriefed in the car, on the stressful experience we realized that we both had assumed that the other had wanted to go shopping, neither of us did.  We learned that a little communication and planning goes a long way.

3: The world can survive without me. We unplugged completely.  No radio, cell phones, tv, netflix, computers, nothing that plugged in all weekend.  I have to say that I was anxious about it.  What if one of my teens needed me, could things at church possibly continue with me there to hover over it like a nervous mother hen, what if congress did something stupid, or the Red Sox traded someone!  Well the world kept turning, and nothing catastrophic happened to any of those responsibilities that seem to demand so much of my time.  The lesson here may just be that I am not as important as I think I am.  Or maybe that my responsibilities are not as 'do or die' as I think think they are when I drop everything to take care of them.  So I learned a valuable lesson about my own importance and obsessive need for information...  There is nothing that will teach you humility as quickly as unplugging yourself for a few days and seeing that everything carries on just fine without you.

So there are a few observations from vacation.  I am already looking forward to next year.