Unpopular

Have you ever made an unpopular decision because you believed it was the right decision?

Maybe you decided to do something your peers advised you not to to.  Maybe it was the other way around and everyone else was doing something, and you opted out...

I saw a quote the other day that went something like this "You have enemies, GOOD, that means you have stood up for something!"  The implication being that you can't take a stand and not make a few enemies along the way.  My question is, "Does it have to be that way?"

And if you've read my blog you know I'm opinionated, and that I take stands.

In my post "Controversial" I shared a link to a leadership blog, that challenges my thinking.  I then posted my thoughts on said blog in "Controversial II".  I'm an advocate for reading and contemplating ideas that challenge me.  If it wasn't for those challenges I'd be more inclined to coast, and less inclined to think about "The Why Behind the What". 

I think that when I make unpopular decisions, I'll be less incline to make enemies if I do a better job expressing the why behind the what. 

Let me try to explain.  One unpopular decision that I made months ago has come back to the surface recently.  As it does, I find myself wishing that I had done a better job explaining why I made the decision.  Even people that I consider friends, don't seem to understand, which means I did a lousy job explaining. After all, it is one thing to have someone be able to articulate why you made a decision and disagree with you, but it is poor leadership indeed if no one else can even articulate your reasons. 

A few posts ago, I blogged an apology, one that I had to make to several people directly, and that I made to my church as a whole. I did not apologize for what I had said, instead I apologized for how I said it.  I realized, as the result of a significant process, that 'how' you say what you say is as important as 'what' you say.  As I continue to unpack the lessons God has been teaching me, I am realizing more and more that 'why' you say what you say, may be even more important than 'how' or 'what' you say.

I think that is what Paul meant in 1 Corinthians 13.  When he said he could speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but it was meaning less without love.  He could fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, but it was empty without love. 

At this point in my process of learning and growing, I think that God made us with a deep need for truth, and an equally deep need to hear it from people to whom we relate.  I think this is the reason God became a man, not because he couldn't relate to us, but because we needed to know that he had experienced everything we experience.  It is easier to take advice from someone who has walked in your shoes.

I also think it is why the Scripture tells us that if our enemy is hungry, we should feed him and if he is thirsty we should give him a drink.  Too often I have ignored a problem or let sin go unaddressed because, "I don't have a strong enough relationship with that person to rebuke them".  Instead, when I see bad behavior, I should become aware of a heart need, and should dive into relationship with that person, so that they will be able to see the why behind the what, the love behind the rebuke, the compassion behind the correction, the way my children hopefully do.

It is certainly not popular to discipline a child (from the child's perspective anyway).  But the first thing my boys want after discipline is a hug.  I hope that is because they know how much I love them, and they want our relationship restored as soon as possible.  This reaction is missing from most of my interactions with adults.  When I have to say unpopular things to adults, (or when I hear unpopular things) the reaction is usually a desire for more distance in our relationship. 

Maybe this is because I haven't taken the time to demonstrate the why behind the what?

Maybe if I take the time to explain the why behind the what, if I make time to let people see my heart instead of just hearing my argument, then people will be able to trust me even when my decisions aren't popular, and I'll be able to take a stand without making enemies...