So apparently I have a lesson to learn.
I am in process, so this post is not going to be about what I have learned, but rather what I am trying to learn. By blogging, I'm hoping to organize my thoughts a bit, and get some peer review.
I think the lesson I need to learn revolves around 1 Corinthians 10:23 "All things are lawful, but not all things are profitable. All things are lawful, but not all things edify." (NASB)
It seems lately that doing what is arguably the "right" or "lawful" thing, has caused unintended consequences.
Someone presents a problem. I see a solution. I am stirred with compassion, and have a strong desire to help, so I start proposing solutions... Then something goes wrong, (and this is the part I am working on) and people get annoyed with me. Like my input somehow offends them.
My normal response to this would be to get indignant, and say, "Fine if you don't want my help then why are you telling me about your problem!" After all, my fifth grade teacher (Mrs. Myrtle Spencer, a former military woman turned teacher) made it abundantly clear that we were not to complain unless we were willing to work toward solving the problem...
But this has been happening so often lately that I think a re-think is in order... Maybe the fifth grade philosophy needs a second look.
Could it be that there is a time to speak and a time to remain silent? Could it be that not every problem I hear about needs to be solved by me ASAP.
Could it be that I have a pride issue and that there something condescending my approach to helping others?
Could it be that in certain circumstances helping is lawful, but not beneficial, or edifying? If so, how on earth (or in heaven) do I tell the difference?
I am sure there are other possibilities as well...
So I am convinced (or maybe convicted is a better word) There is a lesson hear to be learned. I am not sure that I have framed the question well, but the obscurity is necessary to protect the innocent. I'm not complaining about anyone, I'm trying to re-think a long established pattern in how I interact with people, because my way seems to be hurting more than helping, and I really do want to "do only what us useful for building others up according to their needs".
Any suggestions?
2 comments:
ReplyDelete1) To all who read Charlie's posts (and obviously the comments): One of Charlie's stated purposes in blogging is to get "input from anyone who is interested in giving it" (see header) and to get "...some peer review." (see this current post). We have a responsibility (dare I strengthen that by saying we have an OBLIGATION?) to encourage one another and to hold others accountable to the truth (especially when they've asked for it). If you read Charlie's blogs, always post a comment, be it a few words or a few paragraphs. Give encouragement. Ask Charlie for further clarification if needed. Hold him accountable by measuring what he has to say with the measuring stick of the Word. Or are we unwilling to expose what is going through our minds to scrutiny? This final statement speaks for me only: If what I comment needs redirection, please, by all means with the guidance of the Holy Spirit, call me on it.
2) Regarding this current post: I have been married for 29 years. Praise God for my wife for she gives me a perspective I do not innately have. ONE of the ways that she makes me a more complete person has been by teaching me that sometimes when she presents an issue to me, she's not (at that moment) looking for a solution. She wants a safe ear to which she can verbalize the issue, for this may help her see it in a new light. She wants a trusted confidante upon whom she can vent frustration or difficult emotions. She wants a critical mind upon whom she can test the appropriateness of her response so far and for the future. In those times, she does not want my solution. I have learned that there are PLENTY of times when my immediate reply and/or my "solution" is called for.
So, yes, there is a time to speak and a time to listen. The challenge is to know which to do when.
Thanks Dan, I appreciate the reply, and the encouragement. I figured marriage would be a common place where the type of communication issue I brought up would often occur, and Shandy and I go through that at times, but thankfully that wasn't the catalyst for this post. I think I had an "Aha!" Moment today, and plan to post more thoughts soon.
ReplyDeletelooking forward to hearing more. it seems like context is pretty important... but I know one thing I've been learning in the past couple of years is when I notice something, even just an observation about someone, where my tendency before would be to just blurt out what I see... I'm learning to stop and ask God if I should say something.
ReplyDeletestill learning :)
I have a few thoughts on this. This too is an issue I have struggled with. Some people process things verbally, so when they are telling you a about an issue, they really are just sorting it out, not looking for an answer. Most people want to figure out the problem for themselves. Something I find helpful is instead of telling folks my ideas, I start asking questions which could make them think and come up with a solution. Maybe lead a little with the questions. My close friends know what I am doing, but they don't seem to mind it as much as when I give them solutions. :)
ReplyDeleteCarolyn Sproul