Father's Day

Yesterday was my fifth Father’s Day as a dad.  We started the day in our Heavenly Father’s house, and then joined my (local) siblings for lunch with my parents, before going fishing.  After a brief behavioral disruption early in the morning, the kids were on their best behavior.  As I tucked them into bed I praised them for the extra special father’s day gift of good behavior.  But as I closed the door to their bedroom I heard the familiar still small voice of the Spirit whispering a question.  “Why did their good behavior matter so much to you?” 

When the Spirit speaks, I try to listen, to reflect. (notice I said try… to quote my dad, I am very ‘trying’)  Did I appreciate their good behavior because it made my life easier or my day more enjoyable?  Should that be the reason I want them to behave?  Or is there something deeper… should there be something deeper?

Yesterday while fishing, my 2 year old got cold.  Not unexpected when you splash around in a river in Maine.  The breeze I appreciated because it kept he black-flies away, went right through him and he let me know. Loudly and Often.  As I kept telling him, “It’s okay buddy, you’ll be fine” as I kept fishing, that same still small voice reminded me “Fathers, do not exasperate your children”. 

I had to ask myself, was I on that river with my kids to fish, or to be with my kids.  Of course I was there because I wanted to do both, but which one was I showing my son was the most important?  When I was ignoring him so that I could keep fishing, was I toughening him up, or teaching him to put others first?  I could have been, and neither of those things would have been inappropriate, but I wasn’t purposefully doing either.  Instead I was trying to keep him just content enough that I could keep doing what I wanted to do without him getting in the way.

QUIZ:  When you are wading in a trout stream with your two year old in a backpack, shivering in your ear, and you suddenly come under conviction do you:

A) decide now is a great time to toughen him up

B) decide now is a great time to teach him to put others first

C) pack up and head home

D) all of the above

I went for D.  I decided to teach by example.  I had to toughen up, and do the hard but right thing. I decided it was a great time to teach him about putting others first, by putting him first, packing up and heading home.  I apologized for not listening to him, for being selfish.

I am not advocating that we give into our kids and do whatever they want all the time.  (I’ve been in youth ministry for the last 12 years and I have dealt with plenty of teenagers who were basically raised that way.)  I am saying that we have to examine our motives.  There is a time to teach our kids to get through unpleasant circumstances.  There is a time to teach them to put others first.  But those kinds of lessons should be taught purposefully, not simply when it is convenient for me, or keeps them quiet while I enjoy my hobby. 

Ultimately we had a great hike out.  Once we got into the woods, the trees blocked the wind.  He warmed up, and our family had a fantastic time together.  That was the purpose of the day after all.

So as I closed the door to the boys’ bedroom, after praising them for their good behavior, I realized that I needed to re-think my motivation as a parent.  Do I teach them obedience, respect, responsibility and trust, so that they will be more pleasant, easier to deal with, and make me look good?  Or do I do it so that they can learn the skills that they will need to love God with all of their heart, soul, mind and strength?  At the end of the day am I glad they were on their best behavior because it made my day better, or am I glad because it shows me that they are learning lessons that will help them be all that God wants them to be?

Father, Thank you for using father’s day to teach me a little bit more about how to be a better Father.  Help me to put what I have learned into practice, and thank you for the opportunity to be a father.