Walkabout Day 3

The third day of my walkabout, was scheduled to be a climb up and across the Saddleback Mountain range a series of three 4000 foot peaks.   I thought I would try it, but after about 2 miles The knees just wouldn't take it anymore.

I spent the rest of the day in a series of caves and on Piazza rock, reading my Bible and talking to God.  It was the best part of my time in the woods.  Relieved of the distraction of climbing mountains, I was able to focus on my real reason for being in the woods.

I got to read entire books of the Bible.

I spent hours in prayer and solitude.

I was reminded of the value of being still and knowing Him. 

It was extremely refreshing. 

I spent a third night in the woods, and the following day I sang old hymns loudly as I hiked down from lofty mountain grandeur, saw the brooks and felt the gentle breeze.  I then got to spend another 1/2 day in the woods and the word while waiting for my wife to pick me up.

Just before my hike I bought a medallion.

It appealed to me because it reminded me that if I want strong branches I must have strong roots.  If I want to bear fruit, I have to be well nourished.  If I want what people see to positively influence them, then I need to be diligent and disciplined in the things they can't see.

I think that this was the biggest lesson from my time in the woods. 
I have been so focused on trying to bear fruit that I forgot the wisdom of Psalm 1.

 

Blessed is the man... whose delight is in the law of the Lord,

and in His law he meditates day and night.

He will be like a tree firmly planted by streams of water,

Which yields fruit in its season and it's leaf does not wither;

and in whatever he does, he prospers.

Seems like a simple lesson. 
Put first things first...
Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness... 

Sometimes I get so focused on seeking His kingdom, that I forget to just seek Him. 

Like not being able to see the forest for the trees, or not being able to enjoy the trail because you are thinking about the difficult climb ahead...

I needed to be reminded.

Meditate on the Word.

Because if the roots are healthy, the fruit and the leaves will be healthy.

 

For the ground that drinks the rain which often falls on it and brings forth vegetation useful to those for whose sake it is also tilled, receives a blessing from God; but if it yields thorns and thistles, it is worthless and close to being  cursed and it ends up being burned. 

Hebrews 6:7&8

Walkabout Day 2

The game changer for day two of my hike was the little knee injury from the previous day.  I think I hurt it initially about a month ago when hiking with the teens.  I slipped and landed badly, but the terrain wasn't so bad and I kept going.  It wasn't until the next day that it really hurt.  On the second day of my walkabout I realized it was likely the same injury.

 

With 11.4 miles ahead of me, I decided to get an early start.   My first break would be about five miles down the trail at a spot where the trail cam near a small pond.  I was about two miles in, enjoying the beauty of the forest in the early morning, and singing loudly and badly, when Sunshine, a thru-hiker, caught up to me.  I managed to keep up with him for the next two and a half miles, and enjoyed conversation and trail stories.  We took our ease at the lake, and I heard a bit more of his life when he's not on the trail, and shared a bit about my life.  As with Troubadour the night before, I wished that I could say something profound that would turn our conversation to things eternal, but it didn't happen...  When we started back down my aching knee had started taking it's toll, and the morning spent hiking faster that I probably should have also was having an effect, and I was quickly outdistanced. 

It wasn't long before being gentle on the left knee started taking it's toll on the old car accident injury to my right knee, and the possibility that I may not get over the looming mountains grew to a probability. 

 

As I hiked I wondered why these journeys always seem to end early on account of injury.  As I traversed the miles in solitude, I came up with three distinct possibilities.

 

1. Perseverance:  Could it be that I'm just a wimp, and don't like to do things that are uncomfortable?  I met an eight or nine year old boy on a day hike with his family, and you could tell by the look on his face he wasn't enjoying his trek.  He looked at me and asked "Can you tell me how this is supposed to build character?" as though someone had told him that hiking would do so, but he really didn't believe them.  I told him that it would teach him to keep going even when things got hard and that would help him in everything else.  His dad smiled broadly and as our paths crossed I heard him say something to the effect of "see that's what I've been telling you".  Perhaps that was the lesson I needed to learn.  Just persevere.  Don't quit because it isn't easy.  Fight through it.  Like I told that boy, it is a lesson worth learning, that has application for every aspect of life, and especially ministry.

 

2. Refocus.  I went out on the trail to spend quite time with God, but all I could think about was the trail, the mountains, the miles, etc.  Hiking was supposed to be my secondary objective, but there I was ready to quit because hiking hurt.  I has told my wife I needed at least three nights alone in the woods with God.  I needed to focus on that objective, being alone with God.  To be still and know Him better, but my focus was all on hiking.  I realized that ministry can be the same way.  I find myself so busy that what should be an expression or overflow of my relationship with God becomes my main objective.

 

3. Get Healthy.  Sometimes the simple solution is the best one.  Sometimes, you hurt and can't do what you want to do because you are just six years older than the last time you tried this and you've gained weight, and sat behind a desk for too long.  Sometimes you need just this kind of a wake up call so that you'll get into the kind of shape you know you'll need to be in to keep up with two little boys who will soon be teenagers.

 

I think that's enough for today... 

All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful;  yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness.  Therefore strengthen the hands that are weak and the knees that are feeble, and make straight paths for your feet so that the limb which is lame may not be put out of joint but rather healed.

Hebrews 12:11-13

Walkabout Day 1

So this years walkabout went about like this...  I didn't hike nearly as many miles as I intended, I realized that I am not nearly as fit as I think I am, I learned some much needed humility, and I met with God.

 

Day 1 was a short 4ish mile trek from Rt 17 to Sabbath Day Pond.  It was beautiful, It was just challenging enough to remind me that I hadn't hiked with a pack in 6 years, and it was a great opportunity to just thank God for the chance to be out in the woods.  I quickly realized that there would be a bigger challenge ahead of me.  I actually hate being alone, and the idea of being in the woods just me and God was daunting.  I had to spend some serious time meditating on that.  Why was being alone with God so overwhelming?  Why was I hoping other hikers would show up? Wasn't I coming out to be alone with God?  Well the other hikers came after just a few hours, and I got the distraction I thought I wanted.  I had a good conversation with a thru-hiker named Troubadour, who was quite a musician, and put on a mini concert for several of us that night.  We all shared trail stories, and it was good, very restful, and I thought an excellent way to start my trek.

On a side note,  I scared a partridge.  The thing was so close when it took off that a wing literally hit my hiking pole.  If you have ever heard a partridge take off, you know how loud they can be, and in the peace and quiet of the woods, it was enough to make me jump about 10 feet out of my boots.  As I started to feel foolish for being so startled by a bird, I heard something else crashing through the woods.  I turned to see what I thought was a skunk coming through the brush, and not wanting to get sprayed I scooted away.  From behind me I heard hissing and snarling, so I turned around to see what it was, and it wasn't a skunk but an angry badger.  I have never met a badger in the woods, but I now know where they get their reputation for being mean and fearless.  The twenty pound critter was pretty ticked at me for scaring away its lunch, and meant to make sure I knew.  It reared up as I turned around, teeth bared, and claws up, like it was a miniature bear. When he had finished his roar of challenge he dropped to all fours and came at me! Seeing no need to fight the badger I did the only sensible thing and ran away... 

 

On another side note, I was going down a long flat rock that had a pretty good angle and started to slip.  I caught my self quickly, but not before doing something to make my left knee make a strange popping sound (my left knee is supposed to be my good knee, as my right knee was injured in the car accident I had when I was 20, and has never been right since...)  I didn't think much of it at the time, as it didn't seem that bad, but just before I reached camp I had to do a pretty good down hill, and it really hurt...  It was the beginning of a lesson, and you can read more about it in tomorrow's post.

 

"And you know the plans that you have for me, and you can't plan the ends and not plan the means..." Caedmon's Call.

Prelude to a Walkabout

Some cultures call it a walkabout, some a vision quest, I like to think of it as a mini version of what Jesus did...  Going off into the wilderness to meet with God.  Jesus did it for 40 days, I'll be doing it for 9, and he did it without food or drink, I'll be bringing both, but the goal is the same: to get away from all of the distractions, and get some much needed perspective on my mission.

I did this for the first time 7 years ago.  So much has changed since.  7 years ago I was single, today I am a husband and father.  7 years ago I was an 'almost man' in transition, today I am a tree with roots.  I think that I have learned more about who God is and what matters in the last seven years that I had in all of the years leading up to them.  It started with a journey.

I was broken when I started that journey, and I learned that I needed further breaking.  I profoundly proud, and needed to be humbled before I would truly be useful.  I had just made the decision to leave the church where I had grown up, and where I had first served my King. Circumstances had come together to make me see some things about the culture that had formed my view of who God was, that I could not tolerate, and I had to leave.  But my whole identity was wrapped up in that culture.  Who was I without it?  That was what I needed to find out, and that was the reason for my first walkabout. 

I hit the Appalachian Trail, or AT, for what I thought would be a 30+ day hike from the New Hampshire border to the top of Mount Katadhin...  I was home within 48 hours.  I will never forget the meeting I had at the top of that first mountain.  Two old guys were in the lean two when I arrived.  They took one look at me and laughed.  "What are you planning to do with that axe" they asked, "Who do you think you are, Paul Bunyan?"  They were guides, men who knew the mountains well.  They would lead boy scouts into the woods, and help them understand what they were doing.  They asked me how heavy my pack was, and were extremely critical of almost every item I unloaded to use that night.  They offered to go through my pack like they would do for the boy scouts, and help me get rid of anything I didn't need.  I was tired and achy, and didn't want any part of their harsh criticism.

Today I wish I could find them and ask them to go through my pack and weed out anything I didn't need.  Friday I will start my hike with less than 1/2 as many pounds on my back... 

Those old guys knew what they were talking about.  Because Before I had gone two miles the next day my legs were so tired and achy that they were literally twitching on their own.  It was the strangest thing I've ever experienced. Like some kind of localized seizure...  After falling several times, I did the only logical thing I could do.  Made it to a road, and got out of the woods.

Before I hit the trail again, I took some advise.  I lightened my load, a bit, and started back out.  This time I was only two days in when I slipped, and re-injured my bad knee (originally injured in a car accident 3 years earlier).  I hobbled the next 4 miles to a road, and out I went.  Defeated and dejected.

After licking my wounds (mostly my ego) for a few days, I decided to try one more time.  I picked a section of woods where I would have to go several days  before I'd even be able to get out.  My first night of that hike I was surrounded by people, several of whom were smoking pot and using every 4 letter word I'd ever heard and even some I'd never heard before.  I remember getting ready to set up my tent away from the group, when for the first time on this walkabout I heard God loud and clear. 

God: "Go be with them."
Me: "I didn't come out hear to be around all of that, I came out her to be ALONE, with You."
God:"You are the light of the world, no one lights a lamp and hides it under a bowl".
Me: (grumpy) "Fine!"

I met the Jersey boys, a pot smoking, foul mouthed duo of ner-do-wells.  I met an unmarried couple my parents age who were adept at blending in with any crowd, and I met Mark, a quite marathon running, father of 2 teenagers who was quietly reading a book.

I got a chance to share my Bible and some good conversation with Mark, and by the end of our hike, we prayed together as Mark repented for 2 decades spent running from God. 

The very next morning I split my toe wide open and had to limp out and call it a summer. (I learned a great lesson that day that I will recount for you some other time...)  But that summer I learned what the Bible means when it says: "Whoever exalts himself will be humbled, but he who humbles himself will be exalted.  For God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble."

I had a plan for how I wanted to pursue God.  God taught me that He is the one who does the pursuing.  All I have to do is listen, trust and obey.  He used my weakness to move me into a place where He could use me.  He did it litterally that summer, but He also taught me that His strength is not best seen by my using my strengths.  His strength is made perfect in weakness.

So as I venture out for another walkabout, my first as a husband and father, I am praying that God's agenda will be met.  Whatever that entails...  And I'll tell you all about it in a week or two.

The fun parts

Sometimes ministry is work and sometimes it is fun.  Let me share with you some of the fun parts.

#1.  I got to pray with a little girl as she asked Jesus to forgive her, and change her life.  It made all of the effort that went into VBS well worth it.  Seeing the joy on her face was amazing!  I was SO tired and drained from all the work that went into all of it, and those feeling just evaporated, when something of eternal significance happened.  You can read more about it on the Blog I run for our youth group cbcbrewerteens.blogspot.com.

#2. Networking with other Orange Thinkers.  On Thursday I got a call from Sarah, a mother of 3 and the Children's ministries worker at another church in our area.  She wanted to come see our VBS, because she'd heard that we were doing things a bit differently this year.  Friday night she made it to VBS, and we got to chat for a few minutes. I spend so much time talking Orange to people who don't see the need to combine the influences of church and family, that it was refreshing to spend some time talking to someone who was excited about it, and looking hopefully toward what God was going to do at her church.

#3. Serving with my wife!  Shandy lead the Parents group at our VBS this past week, and it was great to spend time with her finding out what had happened and how people were responding to the ideas she presented.  Since Bi-polar became a part of our lives, she hasn't been able to be "in the trenches" with me as much, and I had forgotten just how awesome it is to have a partner that you trust completely, taking care of vital parts of the ministry.

#4. Hanging out with teenagers.  I had a lot of fun with my skit crew this summer.  I have spent so much time recently with the new believers in our youth group, that I felt like I was neglecting some of the teens that used to get much of my time.  Last night after VBS wrapped up, we had a cast party.  We rode go-karts and played mini-golf and laughed.  We cranked up the radio in the church van and sang at the top of our lungs, and spent time as friends.  It was very good.  (only sad part was that David wasn't able to join us)

#5. Family Day.  This may not sound like part of ministry, but believe me, the cycles that God planned for us are a vital part of ministry!  A day of rest with my wife and kids, is just what was needed after the long busy season of summer ministry.  We went yard sale shopping, bought lots of lemonade from young entrepreneurs and took a drive. 

Rethink - Numbers vs. Obedience

As someone involved in ministry I find numbers are far more a part of my life than I'd like them to be. And I find my self in search of a better tool for evaluating success and failure. Within minutes of every conversation about my work as a youth leader, I'll get the question, "How many teens come to your youth group?" People also want to know how many kids come through our children's ministry. How many hours I work, etc. Numbers are the first tool people use to evaluate success or failure.  They are an easy way to put you in a box.

I'll be honest, I chafe under that type of evaluation.  I could have 200 teens coming to my youth group, but I wouldn't know their names or stories, I wouldn't be able to tell you each piece of spiritual fruit that grows, or which branches need to be pruned.  I wish someone would ask me how my teens were growing rather than how many are attending.  Because no matter how much time and energy I pour into youth ministry there will be more teens at the movies on any given Saturday night than at my youth group.  There will be more people at a Waterfront Concert, than in my church on Sunday, and there will be more kids at the Maine Jump than in Sunday School.  If we evaluate by numbers, then the world wins...  every time.

By this point you probably think the point of this blog post is to complain about the way people evaluate by numbers, you may even feel like I am right, but that I'm being a bit of a whiner about it.  Maybe you disagree and think that my desire to be judged on something other than numbers is motivated by an attempt to have people overlook poor performance.  In either case you'd be wrong.  The reason for this blog post is that I still evaluate by numbers.  If you ask me how many teens come to youth group, I'll be quick to brag about the number that have come to know Jesus in the last few months.  If you ask me about the children's ministry, I'll tell you how it has doubled since I took over, and if you ask me how many kids came to VBS last night, I'll be too embarrassed to tell you.  As  much as I don't like be judged by numbers, I still use them to evaluate success and failure.  You know what that makes me... A hypocrite!

Here's one thing I know.  If we evaluate by numbers then we would all have to agree that Peter's ministry was much more effective than Jesus' ministry.  Think about it.  After 3 years Jesus had 120 people convinced that He was the Son of God.  Peter preached his first sermon and 3,000 were added to that number.  We know that Peter couldn't have done what he did without the events of Jesus life, and without the Holy Spirit, but if we were evaluate their ministries like we evaluate the ministries in your church or my church we'd find ourselves more impressed with Peter...

He's another thing I know, most of Jesus miracles were done for individuals.  One life changed at a time, was enough for the Son of God, and should be enough for me.  That VBS I told you about was just what one single mother needed.  Our new approach, of having parents and kids learn together, may have done a number on our numbers, but it was just what one life needed.  Another mom got some great perspective on the changes that have taken  place in the few months since Jesus became part of her family's life, and a lie the devil had been whispering in her ear was refuted.  Another life positively impacted.  And while I would have liked to see more kids, the ones we had were having a great time and learning some great lessons.

Speaking of those lessons, we learned about Peter, called to leave a life of fishing and become a fisher of men.  We learned that even though he had no idea what that meant he left everything and followed Jesus, confident that if he was obedient, Jesus would take care of the rest.  What if we stopped measuring success in terms of numbers and started measuring it in terms of obedience?

Lord, forgive me for being a hypocrite.  Help me to see the world through your eyes, and to measure success and failure in terms of obedience and not in terms of numbers.

The Overweight Christian (Leader) | careynieuwhof.com

The Overweight Christian (Leader) | careynieuwhof.com

I love reading this guy's blog.  Usually I ask why didn't I think of that, on rare occasions I can say "why couldn't I have said it like that".  This post is one of these occasions. If you have been in or around our youth group you may remember the lesson we did after watching WALL-E.  This is what I was trying to say, only in fewer, far more carefully chosen words.

River of Life

I haven't blogged in a bit because I spent the last week at camp, and the time leading up to it getting ready.  I took our teens to serve for a week, and it was an incredible week.

I thought that they would learn and grow, but I had no idea what it would look like.

For some it was a matter of stretching their wings.  They served God all week long, letting Him love little ones through them. 

For others it was a matter of dealing with disappointment.  Having high expectations of yourself, and learning that "serving as unto the Lord" doesn't always have to mean perfect.  It is okay to forget your lines, to have no one respond to your gospel presentation, to be tired...  God wants all of our Heart Soul and Strength, but even when we lay it all out there, it isn't going to be perfect. (I wish I'd learned that in 8th grade)

Some of the teens seemed to go through a spiritual growth spurt this week.  Starting off with asking for forgiveness, and then finding the fruit of the spirit ripening before their very eyes.  I watched one young man struggle to serve kids even though as he often said "I don't even like kids".  I saw him learn patience with a little boy who peed his pants 4 times before lunch, learn self control when kids just wouldn't listen.  He even sought forgiveness from the children when he fell short.  I never expect this boy to become a man right before my eyes.

I spent an hour just listening to the sobs of one young lady who was convicted of sin.  I got to share 2nd Corinthians 7:10, "Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regrets".  She wasn't able to speak the words, but she did write them out, confessing the sin, and later she sought forgiveness from the person she had wronged.  Watching her the rest of the week it was obvious that joy had replaced the anguish she had been feeling.

I had other long chats too.  One in which I forgot to speak the truth in love.  I spoke the truth, but I was angry at the behavior, and it was evident.  It was not righteous anger, it was man's anger, and I fear I may have lost my chance to help the students involved.  Apologies don't always work, sometimes the damage is done, and you loose the fragile trust you've been working to build.  When then happens you pray that God can work, and for another chance, and you realize that you can't always believe the compliments. I am a sinner, saved by grace, and far from perfect.

I also had a front row seat to watch a soon to be high school freshman become a leader, among the kids and among peers, showing wisdom beyond those tender years, and pointing others to Jesus.  MVP, Team Captain, Awesome.  I look forward to seeing what God will do with this life, and I am thankful to have a chance to serve with this amazing student.

The thing that meant the most to me though was my team.  I'm the only one who gets to do this for a living, but they gave freely of their time and talents.  It meant the world to have Leighanna there to help the teens adjust to camp life, and to help me get them focused on the tasks at hand.  Here ministry set the tone for the week.  When she left for her family vacation, Jenny arrived, and taught them what it means to work hard (after having worked hard all day herself).  She also loved them when they were tired and slightly unlovable and shared the truth with them in down to earth practical way only she can.  Nicole and David showed up at just the right time, were there when we had to deal with some teenage drama, and provided shoulders to cry on when two brothers got bad news about a loved one being rushed to the hospital.  Nicole assessed the problems several teens were facing with in minutes of arriving, and gave healthy doses of tough love where needed.  It was amazing to see Philip there, loving and serving the teens after putting in long hours on the construction site, having to leave for work before most of us were even awake and building into the group while I was busy dealing with the heart issues of an individual.  Never saw that coming when he was 12 and I was just learning how lead.

(you can see pictures and read othere stories from the week at camp at my othere blog: cbcbrewerteens.blogspot.com)