Beer With Jesus

It may come as a shock to some of you who know me, given that I've never had so much as a sip of beer, but I really like the song "Beer with Jesus", by Thomas Rhett.  (Confessing this will probably upset some of my friends who believe that Jesus turned water into "non-alcoholic wine" at the wedding in Cana.)

If you have never heard the song, you should take a listen.  Here is a link to the lyrics.

While the questions posed by the song may not reflect perfect theology, and they made not be the questions that a student of the word would ask, they do reflect a clear desire for a personal relationship with the Savior.

It also makes it clear that Jesus is approachable.  As I listen to the song I can't help but believe that Jesus would like nothing more than to sit down across a table from me, and chat. I don't think He'd mind sipping a beer.

But it's not the beer that intrigues me.  What makes this song so thought provoking is the idea of a corner table and a chance to have a private conversation with Jesus.  Like the singer, "I'd be sure to let Him do the talking," but I'd also have a plethora of questions I'd be "Careful when I got the chance to ask".

My favorite part of the song has to be that the most important question, the one that gets repeated over and over is, "How'd you turn the other cheek, to save a sorry soul like me?"  Of all the other questions I have, that one is really what matters.

We get caught up on whether or not Jesus would actually drink a beer, which church would he attend, who would he vote for, which side would he take on this debate or that debate? Could I sing this song at my church without having people walk out? But the critical question is one of forgiveness.  How does He manage to love a sorry soul like me so much that He forgives me time, after time, after time? 

If I could fully comprehend the depth of that love, how would it change me.  How would it change the way I love others?  Would all of the squabbles and divisions disappear?  Most importantly, how much more approachable would Jesus be to the world...

The Missing Ingredient...

In my last post, "Not Everything Is Beneficial", I wrote about how I feel like I have a lesson to learn. I was intentionally vague, but I think I have learned a few things, so here is an update.

I was preparing to teach Sunday School over the weekend, (our parent's group talks about what our kids are learning and how we can apply those lessons on an adult level) so I was reviewing the preschool and elementary curriculum. The elementary kids were going to be learning about Ruth, and how she determined to help Naomi even when it was difficult, while the preschoolers would be learning that God forgives us for our bad choices, from the story of the sinful woman who washed Jesus' feet. Putting the two side by side I saw something that has been missing from my well intentioned, but not so well received, interactions: Compassion.

Jesus had a heart full of compassion for the woman who washed his feet, no matter what she had done. When he wanted some alone time after finding out his cousin had been beheaded, the crowds followed him. Rather than turn them away, he had compassion on them. Looking toward Jerusalem during the journey that would lead to his crucifixion, he longed to gather her children together like a hen gathering chicks under her wings... He tackled problems and dealt with messy people, but had great compassion.

(Note: There was also a time for flipping over tables, and calling religious leaders vipers... But Jesus had the discernment to know what emotional state would be most edifying in each situation)

So, here is some of the context that brought me to this place of learning... I installed a new computer network for my employer. It was a much needed upgrade, the first in 14 years, which is an eternity in the computing world. Installation was a challenge, as I have never done this kind of work before, but installation was nothing compared to helping people who had done things the same way for a decade and a half over the learning curve.

So much was new and different and they were all overwhelmed. There was also the issue of the backlog that was created at my desk while I spent weeks as an IT guy instead of being a paralegal. The first few days I was patient and understanding, genuinely believing in all the good things that the updated system would do for my employers and coworkers. Then after 3 days of feeling like I had repeated myself over and over, while getting little to none of my own work done, I started getting exasperated. I was short and to the point, instead of cheerful. Rather than extolling the virtues of the new system, or helping people get excited about the changes, I accomplished the task as quickly as possible and moved on. I had surgical precision, but terrible bedside manner. Everyone else who was already struggling with the changes now had to deal with my lack of compassion. The person they were looking to for help, for comfort in their distress, was surly and short with them. Pleas for help turned into complaints, and my assistance was shunned...

My "Aha" moment came when I realized that I have done the same thing at my church...

I was put in charge of some long overdue upgrades to an old system, and helping people through the transition was something that I did with great joy... at first. But as weeks of transition turned into months, and as I ran out of was to rephrase the information, I transitioned from joyful to surgical, from compassionate to precise, from patient to edgy, from pleasant to blunt...

It took the trustworthy wounds of multiple friends to get through to me that my manner was damaging the message. People that were hesitant to accept help or transition from cheerful Charlie, were never going to accept it from grumpy Charlie. There may have been some places along the way where some tables needed to be flipped, or some things needed to be called out, but I had gotten stuck in table flipping mode, and was giving off an attitude that said, "I'll try being nicer when you try being smarter". Thus my suggestions, no matter how precise or accurate I may have thought they were, became something unedifying, because of the emotions with which they were conveyed.

To sum my learning thus far: Basically, it is not just what I say, but how I say it. It is not just my motivation, but the emotions I convey. If I can't bring all the pieces together (why, how, attitude and emotional state) it may be best to wait, pray, double check my own eyes for logs and respond when I can do so with the shrewdness of a serpent and the innocence of a dove.

That is not to say that I am done learning on this topic, but I think I have figured out part of the equation. Now I am looking forward to refining this, putting it into practice, and reconciling with some people I have offended.

I am also looking forward to your feedback.

Sometimes I Get It Wrong

This is a retraction. In my post on Forgiveness I said, "He didn't forgive me until I repented". That was wrong. The truth is that it is by grace we are saved through faith. Not of ourselves, so that no one can boast. We don't clean up our act then come to Jesus. We come to Jesus and he cleans us up. He does the justifying. There is no excuse for what I wrote.

My erroneous blog was a failed attempt to discuss what James talks about. "Faith without actions is dead." Whether or not we are forgiven by God is a matter of His grace, but we are challenged to work out our salvation with fear and trembling. To examine ourselves. If we are not repentant, we can see that our "faith" is "without deeds" and must ask ourselves, "can such faith save us?" We can also apply this standard to those around us. It is what keeps us from throwing our pearls to pigs.

Dan, the friend who brought my error to my attention, said that what I was trying to address is a matter of stewardship not forgiveness. It is poor Stewardship to give someone you wallet when they have a history of stealing, until, through their actions, they have shown evidence of faith changing their hearts. We offer forgiveness over and over, and love them through the circumstances.

But stewardship is not forgiveness.

So my post was wrong. Very wrong.

Forgiveness is freely given. God's love compels me to repent, because I've been forgiven.

The issue at the heart of the post was that actions have consequences, regardless of what we want or what we say. If we have sinned and want to change how people react to us we must demonstrate our faith and the forgiveness we have freely received through repentance. I have observed, and was reacting too, people who say that they are sorry and expect it to restore the relationship that was damaged, without any repentance, who expect that I will treat them differently without having any intention if changing their behavior. To paraphrase James, "can such an apology reconcile you?"

I wish I could tell you that the terrible theology in my previous post was just a knee jerk reaction to circumstances, but I would be lying. Truth is, I posted it, then took it down, worked on it more, then reposted, without ever catching the serious error in my theology. This is why I am so grateful for the body of Christ, and for a friend willing to comment and to hold me accountable. This is the heart of Moving and Re-Thinking, sharing my thoughts and experiences publicly so that others can comment and help me refine my thinking, so that I can continue to move toward Christlikeness.

This was not the first time I've been wrong, and it won't be the last. I look forward to learning from more of you as we continue to spur one another on toward love and good deeds.

Forgiveness

AUTHOR'S NOTE:  Please see the post "Sometimes I get it Wrong" where I address the bad theology that I used when writing this post.  I left this post up, not because I am proud of it, but because I want my blog to have a record that I need to be and can be corrected, and I appreciate the people who have taken the time to correct me and instruct me.

I've heard quite often that forgiveness should not depend on whether or not the other person is ‘sorry’.  I don't believe that.

Truth is I don't put much stock in 'sorry'...
To most folk, 'sorry' just means, 'I feel bad'.
That kind of sorry is selfish.

Forgiveness requires repentance.
To repent means to turn and walk in the opposite direction.

I say this knowing that the idea of 'forgiveness without repentance' has become deeply ingrained in Christian culture. Over 30+ years of church life, many a well meaning person has admonished me to forgive people who have not asked for my forgiveness, or demonstrated an iota of repentance. Many a Christian has asked me to forgive them, without accepting responsibility for their actions or changing their direction.  Multiple songs that are currently very popular in Christian music preach the idea that when it comes to forgiveness, "It doesn't matter if they're sorry or not".

I say this knowing that many will take umbrage with my point of view. I'm probably holding a minority view point. You might think that I am bitter, might even say that my opinion is divisive.

But my objective is to follow what Christ taught, not what most people think He taught.

Jesus loved His enemies. So do I.

He prayed for those who persecuted Him. So do I.

He was willing to go to any length to reconcile man and God, and He gave me a ministry of reconciliation. I take that ministry very seriously.

He died for me before I repented

But… He didn't forgive me until I repented.

His gift of love, His sacrifice on the cross, forgiveness of sins, is freely given.
Salvation is by grace through faith.
Receiving the benefits of that salvation requires repentance.

I want to follow the pattern that He set.
That doesn't mean that I don't love my enemies, it doesn't mean that I am bitter, and it doesn't mean that I am holding a record of wrongs.

It means that before I trust you with my wallet, you had better stop stealing from me.

Before I will treat you like I treated you before you sinned against me that you must repent.
Until then there are consequences to your actions.

This is how I forgive those who have trespassed against me.
This is the measure that I hope you will use when I sin against you.

I am willing to forgive. I'm not interested in holding grudges. I am not bitter or upset. But until you stop stealing from me, I'm not going to give you my wallet. No matter how badly it makes you feel that I don't trust you, I'm not going to treat you like everything is okay until you repent. Until you come to the place where you recognize that your behavior is responsible for the damage to our relationship, the relationship will not be repaired.

Until then, love covers over a multitude of sins.

Love is what compels me to feed my enemy when he is hungry, and to give him a drink when he is thirsty.

Forgiveness may be dependent on repentance, but love is a gift freely given.