Order Our Days

It has been 10 months since the Sabbatical part of our journey began.  In that time Shandy and I have felt a distinct lack of momentum.  We are both task oriented people who love checking things off lists and feeling accomplished, but we have been in a season where that just hasn't seemed to be part of God's plan.  It has been a season of false starts, new jobs that didn't stick, new ministry opportunities that weren't quite the right fit, and possible church homes that we just couldn't commit to.  Through it we've had this sense of "We feel God wants us to be doing something, but we haven't been able to finger on what it is."

Shandy hasn't been working as much the last few months, and my side jobs have slowed down quite a bit. Silas graduated Kindergarten, and we've had a bit of time to breathe deeply.  Just a bit, because God had plans for that slower season of life as well.  Shandy's Grandmother passed away, and she was able to spend time with her family during Gram's last few days on earth.  She's also been able to make several trips down to help her grandfather during his grief and period of adjustment.  Also recently our 3 year old niece had a severe diabetic episode, and Shandy was able to hop in the car and drive to be with family in the hospital.  Thankfully the precious little one pulled through the worst of it, she is back home now and the family is learning how to manage this disease they didn't know she had.

We've learned, in these last few months, that God really does order our days.  He plans our times and our seasons.  It is teaching us a kind of trust and contentment that has been missing.

There are also a bunch of new things on the horizon for us.

Shandy is about to start a new job as the General Manager of a Pizza Hut.  Being a Restaurant General Manager (or RGM as she puts it) has been on her bucket list since high school, and it is a blessing to see her getting to fulfill a long term ambition.  The new job will give us new challenges and new opportunities, and we feel like it is exactly where God wants us, as we prepare for the future He is calling us to.

Speaking of that future, we have started getting together on a weekly basis with a group of friends who share our long term goals of opening a camp or other kind of ministry where people can step out of the hectic and into a haven.  We are beginning our journey together by building a good foundation. Getting to know each other and each other's families, committing to encouraging each other to read through the Bible in a year, gathering to sit around the table and talk about what we read, and being inspired by reading Radical (by David Platt). After just the a few weeks we are all feeling the urge to take big steps toward realigning ourselves with God's plans for our lives.

Even as we start to dream and build relationships that may one day result in an organized life ministry, 'haven' is happening organically.  Our housemates have provided us with opportunities to use the big house (we are long term house sitting) to widen the circle of people we can bless.  Yesterday was a whirlwind of extra faces as we took in a family in crisis, hung out with a mom and her kids who needed a break, and took a passel of extra kiddos to the lake for some R&R.  I LOVE sharing life with like minded people, and watching the little community we have made bless others.  It is happening organically, the way things should when you join your life with people who truly share your values.  I am so grateful for the blessing that living with the Bookers has been.  And I am blessed and humbled by Mark and Luanna who entrusted us with their house, and gave us their blessing to live out our vision, in continuation of their own love for hospitality.

I could go on, and talk about a new friend and the extremely refreshing conversations we've had about life and ministry, but the bottom line is that there is energy and optimism in the air that has been missing.  It is as if the wind is returning to a ship that has been adrift at sea.  I don't doubt that there will be rocks and storms ahead, but for now it is good to feel just a bit of momentum.

Another Sabbatical Update

The Sabbatical continues, but feel like I am starting to learn some of the lessons I need to learn. 

I am getting into a better rhythm of spending time in the Word, and have enjoyed unpacking Acts, Romans and Corinthians.  One of the high points of my week is Thursday night when a good friend comes over and we discuss what we’ve been learning from the word, and pray through those areas of our lives that God is trying to refine.  It has been so good to have someone holding me accountable, and praying for me on this journey through uncharted territory.

One of my biggest concerns heading into this Sabbatical was wondering where I would find people with whom I could process my thoughts.  I come to better conclusions when I can talk things out and get other perspectives.  (This desire to get other peoples’ perspectives is one of the reasons that I started blogging)  Thankfully, God had a plan for that, and had my Sabbatical start up the same time he had some of our best friends, and their 4 kids, move in with us.  The community that we are sharing has been such a blessing, in that it simultaneously has allowed me to withdraw from most things, without withdrawing completely.  I have a brother I can bounce ideas off, extra kids to love on, and people I can serve; even it is just by playing with an adorable baby for a few minutes while her momma does chores.  Having built in playmates for my kids has also given me time to exercise, stack my wood, and find quite minutes to read.

We’ve found a church where we can ‘hide’.  By that I mean we’ve found a place where we can worship, and listen to practical teaching without feeling the need to be social.  We know this is not ideal, but it is a step in the right direction for us.  Checking out churches after a messy separation feels like I imagine dating would feel after your spouse has died… Maybe it is a healthy part of moving on with life, but mostly it’s just awkward, especially at the beginning...  That said, it has been good to see my kids learning from people who are investing time during the week into finding ways to make God’s word come alive to little minds.  There is nothing quite like hearing your 3 year old tell you that he won’t be afraid because, as he says “I know God is always with me, so it would be silly to be afraid!”, especially when that was the bottom line from last Sunday’s lesson for preschoolers...

But Isaac isn’t the only one who has been learning.  I’ve been challenged by a few of the messages as well.  One talked about how much more effective the truth is when it comes from a joyful person.  This really hit home, because one criticism I received at the end of my time at Calvary Baptist was that I always seemed ready for a fight.  I realize now that this put people on the defensive and made them less likely to listen to what I had to say, no matter how right I may have been.  If the same truth had been delivered with a smile instead of a scowl, it might have been more effective.  I had lost heart and become wearing in doing good.  Because of that fatigue, I was short tempered and irritable.   

I learned Galatians 6:9 in the NIV which says “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.”  I took the verse a reminder not to quit when I became weary” But really the verse says “DO NOT BECOME WEARY”.  The NASB says more clearly: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary”.  Hear we see that weariness itself can have a negative, even catastrophic impact on the outcome of our service to God.  There is a connection between the attitude (heart) that we bring to doing good and the effectiveness of it. 

It isn’t as though we shouldn’t be passionate.  Paul, who said “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” also said, “I have great sorrow and unceasing anguish in my heart.  For I wish that I myself were cursed and cut off from Christ for the sake of my people, those of my own race, the people of Israel.” He was clearly passionate.  But something kept that passion from becoming crippling frustration and bitterness. 

I am not sure what that something was.  Perhaps it was in realizing that we are responsible for our own obedience, and not responsible for convincing others to obey?  Jesus shared the truth but finally said, “Jerusalem, Jerusalem, you who kill the prophets and stone those sent to you, how often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, and you were not willing.  Look, your house is left to you desolate.”  He knew that the responsibility to respond was ultimately on the hearer.  He told his disciples “If the home is deserving, let your peace rest on it; if it is not, let your peace return to you.  If anyone will not welcome you or listen to your words, leave that home or town and shake the dust off your feet.”  He didn’t say “find a different way to make them listen” he said something much more like “brush it off and go find someone who will listen”. 

Maybe the secret is in knowing when to withdraw and move on.  Jesus practiced this, He trained His disciples to do it, and Paul certainly did.  They all faced a certain amount of adversity, but also knew when to call it a day, and when to pack it up and move on.  Then again, Jesus faced the stress of his ministry by frequently withdrawing to lonely places to pray. Maybe it isn’t about quitting, maybe it is about finding ways to unplug and blow off steam before you boil over.  Maybe regular withdrawal needs to be part of my discipline?  Or maybe “Suffering brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; and hope does not disappoint.”  Such hope, that the One who called you to do something is able to do it, even when you are not, may prevent you from losing heart when circumstances cause great sorrow and unceasing anguish…  

To My Church Family

To my Church Family,

Most of us have only ever entered into two covenant relationships, marriage and church membership.  The emotions we will experience as we process our pastor’s resignation is akin to the trauma of divorce, and we will be hurting deeply for some time to come because of it.  But the same bond that makes this separation hurt so much, is also, by the grace of God, what can help us to overcome.  These pivotal circumstances have the potential to strengthen our faith, or to crush it, and I pray that we will come through this with a greater determination to live the lives Christ died for us to live.

As we travel this road, we will experience a wide range of emotion.  Some will feel relieved, some confused, others hurt, some will no doubt be angry, some of us will want to try to fix it, some of us will just withdraw, preferring not to deal with it, and some of us will try to pretend like it doesn't much matter...  As the stages of grief unfold, we may find ourselves frustrated with others whose responses to this difficulty are dramatically different than our own.  We must be careful to let every conversation we have be “full of grace, and seasoned with salt”.  In other words, we must make every effort to love each other through this, and to make sure that we focus on building each other up, not tearing each other down.

As we navigate these waters, let us remember the fundamental things that make faith grow:

• Practical Teaching:  We are losing a great teacher, and we will all need to find ways to fill the void.  Practical teaching don’t have to come from a stage on a Sunday Morning, grab a good book by Francis Chan, Andy Stanley, David Platt or some other Christian author who gives you practical advice on how to live the truth of the scripture and read, read, read.
• Private Disciplines: Faith grows when we commit ourselves to reading the word, to prayer, and to giving sacrificially.  This may be a good time to try fasting, even just skipping a meal to pray a few times a week, could have an amazing impact on your life and the life of our church.
• Personal Ministry:  The loss of a pastor means that there are big shoes to fill!  Many of us turn to him for advice, for counseling, and rely on his comfort when we are sick.  As a body we will have to fill the void by each of us digging deep and doing what we can to love and support each other. Remember that the normal means of communication may be down for a while, so when you have a need, find someone you trust and ask for help.
• Providential Relationships: The scripture is clear that the body grows as each part does its work, and it tells us that we need each other.  Now more than ever, invite people into your home, change your schedule to make time for fellowship, and let us encourage one another daily.  Use social media to check up on people, to ask how they are doing, and share the things from good books or scripture that are encouraging you.
• Pivotal Circumstances are the 5th thing on Andy Stanley’s list of what makes faith grow.  And this one is a double edged sword.  Pivotal circumstances and cripple our faith or make it stronger.  The key is how we deal with them. Deal with them by focusing on the things that make faith grow rather than on the the things that hurt or the things that divide.

Find just one or two people to meet with each week.  Commit to reading the same scripture, to praying for each other, to confessing sin to each other and to praying for people you love, who have not yet confessed Jesus as Lord. Keep the group extremely small, so that you don’t have to juggle schedules or worry about what someone will think.

The church is not a place we gather on Sundays. Biblically, we don’t find the concept that Christians “go to church”, instead we find as we read the Word that, “we are the church”.  We are not a body because we sing the same songs and hear the same sermons. We are a body only when we share the same mission, and the same strategy for carrying out that mission.  We don’t meet together to get a good encouraging feeling that will help us through the week, we meet together to spur each other on toward love and good deeds.  The good feelings will be different for a while, maybe even absent, but we can still spur each other on to run the race as if to win the prize.  

As a Side Note...

I recently posted about how vision is a great source of hope.

Without vision hope is little more than a wish.

But there is more to the story.

Yesterday my wife and I had the privilege of spending a few hours with one of my mentors and his wife, and we both left feeling just a little more hopeful.  Usually this mentor has words of wisdom, and is able to offer perspective.  I went wondering what vision he would have to offer, what new information he would provide that would give me clarity on some of life's more difficult challenges.  But that was not what happened.

I went in prepared to listen.  But instead they listened as my wife and I poured out some of the challenges we've been trying to tackle as a team.  Instead of advice, our words with met with sympathy and understanding.  Instead of finding new perspective, we discovered that they are navigating very similar waters.  Instead of feeling isolated in our struggles, we now know that we are not alone.

It reminds me of the first time I climbed Mt. Katahdin, Maine's highest peak.  I was in 8th grade, and hadn't done much hiking.  I was one of the very last people in our large group of teenagers to reach the top, and by the time I got there, everyone else was rested and ready to head back down.  I ended up making my way down with another straggler, an annoying 7th grade boy named Jeff.  As we made our way down, we came to a place where several trails met, and we were unsure which one would take us back to where our youth leaders and the church van were waiting.  We spotted what looked like a group of teens some distance ahead and decided to catch up to them.  As we got closer we realized that they weren't from our group.  We had made our decision to take this trail on bad information, and we didn't know if it would lead us to our destination or not. It is worth noting that every school student is Maine is required to read a book called "Lost on a Mountain in Maine", about a boy who gets lost while hiking Mt. Katahdin...  So our imaginations had plenty of fodder for dreaming up worst case scenarios.  I think I would have panicked if Jeff hadn't been there.  Not that this kid who had a habit of spraying shaving cream on me while I slept, was a mountain of emotional stability, but I didn't want to look panicked and scared in front of him, so I acted tough.  Together we faced the unknown and the very real possibility that, with the sun quickly setting, we would get to the end of the trail, discover we were on the wrong side of the mountain, and need to head back up the mountain in a different direction.  Just having someone to face the difficult journey with made it easier.

We were overjoyed to see the church van in the parking lot.  And I never found Jeff quite so annoying after that. He never sprayed me with shaving cream again, (though there was one incident involving crickets in my sleeping bag...) 10 years later he stood beside as a groomsman in my wedding, and a year later I returned the favor.

It wasn't vision that got us down the mountain, or through the difficult situation, it was camaraderie.  Camaraderie made the panic worthy situation seem a little less overwhelming.  Even if the night got dark and we couldn't see the trail or the things moving in the woods, we wouldn't be alone, and that was a source of comfort, a source of hope.  That same kind of hope is what Shandy and I found in a mentor's living room yesterday.

Words from Grandpa's Bible

I spent last night in my grandfather's small apartment.  We knew his time with us was short and didn't want him to be alone.  My parents had been there around the clock for days and were exhausted.  It was my privilege to stay with him.

After they filled me in on what to do to keep him comfortable, they left, and I settled into an old chair, with his Bible.  It had been my grandmothers, before she went home 20 years ago, but since then, it had been his.


This note makes me think that the Bible had been every bit as much his as it had been Nana's even before she went home,  "Help me Lord, to become the man I should be for Christ's sake" - dated 10/11/1975

And this one confirms he was using it long after she went home, "How much longer do I have to serve God?" dated 9/25/2005

The pages worn with use, many falling out, some with verses underlined, some with notes scrawled in the margins.  I could think of no better way to pass the time than to simply sit and read the things that had been worth remembering to him.

Before I could get to those worn pages I found myself transfixed with the inside cover.  Here were listed the following references and phrases.  (I have typed out the verses for you in italics, the cover contained only the references)

Psalm 56:11 “In God I trust; I shall not be afraid.  What can man do to me.”

Proverbs 29 - (turning to that scripture I found the first verse underlined.) “He who is often reproved, yet stiffens his neck, will suddenly be broken beyond healing”

I am the best Christian someone will ever see.

Write your name on my lips, Lord...

Scripture for leading one to Christ... Romans 10:9,10&13 “If you confess with your mouth, Jesus is Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.  For with the heart one believes and is justified and with the mouth one confesses and is saved… For everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.”

The words “Salvation verses” and the following list:

John 1:12, “But to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, He gave the right to become children of God.”

Acts 16:31, “And they said, Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved, you and your household”

Romans 5:1, “Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ”

Romans 6:23, “For the wages of sin is death but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord”

Ephesians 2:8-9 “For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God. Not a result of works, so that no one may boast”

Romans 5:8,9 “But God demonstrates his love for us in this, that while were still sinners Christ died for us.  Since, therefore, we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God.”

Beside this final scripture was written - by Christ’s death, he paid the penalty for the sins of the world.

See Exodus 12 - Passover

Psalm 119:92 “If your law had not been my delight I would have perished in my afflictions”

Col 3:11 “Here there is no Greek and Jew, circumcised and uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave, free; but Christ is all and in all.”

Deuteronomy 13:6-7 “If your brother, the son of your mother, or your son or your daughter or the wife you embrace or your friend who is as your own soul entices you secretly, saying, ‘Let us go and serve other gods’… you shall not yield to him or listen to him…”  Beside this reference was written the words “Stand for our lord against family and friend”

Romans 8:28 “And we know that in all things, God works for the good of those that love him, who are called according to his purpose.”

Hebrews 4:15 “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin.”

Just before we got to Genesis, I found the following quote...

“You will never know how to live until you are ready to die.” 

This same quote was also found on the back cover...  It was the only repeat entry...

I took a break from reading around 10:30 and checked on Grandpa. His breathing was so shallow I had to put my hand on him to make sure he was still with me. I went back to reading and fell asleep with the Bible in my lap.  When I woke up around 1:30 in the morning, I checked on him again.  He had passed painlessly and silently from this life to the next...

In the Psalms one verse that was underlined was Psalm 116:15 "Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of His saints".  

Not Everything is Beneficial

So apparently I have a lesson to learn.

I am in process, so this post is not going to be about what I have learned, but rather what I am trying to learn. By blogging, I'm hoping to organize my thoughts a bit, and get some peer review.

I think the lesson I need to learn revolves around 1 Corinthians 10:23 "All things are lawful, but not all things are profitable. All things are lawful, but not all things edify." (NASB)

It seems lately that doing what is arguably the "right" or "lawful" thing, has caused unintended consequences.


Someone presents a problem.  I see a solution.  I am stirred with compassion, and have a strong desire to help, so I start proposing solutions... Then something goes wrong, (and this is the part I am working on)  and people get annoyed with me.  Like my input somehow offends them. 

My normal response to this would be to get indignant, and say, "Fine if you don't want my help then why are you telling me about your problem!"  After all, my fifth grade teacher (Mrs. Myrtle Spencer, a former military woman turned teacher) made it abundantly clear that we were not to complain unless we were willing to work toward solving the problem... 

But this has been happening so often lately that I think a re-think is in order...  Maybe the fifth grade philosophy needs a second look.

Could it be that there is a time to speak and a time to remain silent?  Could it be that not every problem I hear about needs to be solved by me ASAP. 

Could it be that I have a pride issue and that there something condescending my approach to helping others? 

Could it be that in certain circumstances helping is lawful, but not beneficial, or edifying?  If so, how on earth (or in heaven) do I tell the difference?

I am sure there are other possibilities as well...

So I am convinced (or maybe convicted is a better word) There is a lesson hear to be learned.  I am not sure that I have framed the question well, but the obscurity is necessary to protect the innocent.  I'm not complaining about anyone, I'm trying to re-think a long established pattern in how I interact with people, because my way seems to be hurting more than helping, and I really do want to "do only what us useful for building others up according to their needs".

Any suggestions?

Timing is Everything

God's timing that is...

I have an agenda, a schedule, a calendar.  I used to have a 5 year plan, even a 10 year plan...

God has an agenda too.  I use to think that all I had to do was have Godly priorities and everything would work out fine, but the more I walk through life, and the better I get to know His heart, I am realizing that my desires aren't the problem, my agenda is.

I think I am trying to say that, "God and I have the same end in mind, we just have vastly different ideas about how to get there."

I've often wondered why I didn't get a "calling".  Honestly I grew up expecting that if I just got to know Him well enough, "it" would happen.  I'd mystically understand to the very core of my being what I was created to do.

But calling doesn't always come from a "God called Abram" moment, or from a "And the voice from heaven saying..." experience.  I thought the goal was to quietly go about my business, and wait for someone to say "Follow me and I will make you a fisher of men." 

The more I get to know God the more I understand calling in terms of Romans 12:2 "Do not conform to the pattern of this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, then you will be able to test and approve what the will of God is, that which is good perfect and pleasing to Him."

The more I get to know God the more I understand calling in terms of Matthew 6:33 "But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."

I will find a job that meets my needs, so that I won't become a burden or a thief, but also one doesn't lead me to such abundance that forget my dependence on God. 

I will learn what I need to know to further God's kingdom, not to fatten my wallet. 

I will pursue work and education with excellence, but never so much so that I don't have time for the work of God's kingdom.

I won't borrow to get where I think God wants me to be now, because God said that the borrower is slave to the lender, and I don't want any master but Him. Instead I will find a way to accomplish God's goals according to God's methods, not according to my own.

That is the Re-Think moment.  Pursue God's goals according to God's methods.  His kingdom according to His righteousness. 

Trust that God doesn't just plan the ends, He also plans the means. 

Listen for the voice behind you that says "this is the way, walk in it".

Let His word be "a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path", even if there is only enough light to see one step at a time...

Because God's timing is perfect.

Walkabout Day 1

So this years walkabout went about like this...  I didn't hike nearly as many miles as I intended, I realized that I am not nearly as fit as I think I am, I learned some much needed humility, and I met with God.

 

Day 1 was a short 4ish mile trek from Rt 17 to Sabbath Day Pond.  It was beautiful, It was just challenging enough to remind me that I hadn't hiked with a pack in 6 years, and it was a great opportunity to just thank God for the chance to be out in the woods.  I quickly realized that there would be a bigger challenge ahead of me.  I actually hate being alone, and the idea of being in the woods just me and God was daunting.  I had to spend some serious time meditating on that.  Why was being alone with God so overwhelming?  Why was I hoping other hikers would show up? Wasn't I coming out to be alone with God?  Well the other hikers came after just a few hours, and I got the distraction I thought I wanted.  I had a good conversation with a thru-hiker named Troubadour, who was quite a musician, and put on a mini concert for several of us that night.  We all shared trail stories, and it was good, very restful, and I thought an excellent way to start my trek.

On a side note,  I scared a partridge.  The thing was so close when it took off that a wing literally hit my hiking pole.  If you have ever heard a partridge take off, you know how loud they can be, and in the peace and quiet of the woods, it was enough to make me jump about 10 feet out of my boots.  As I started to feel foolish for being so startled by a bird, I heard something else crashing through the woods.  I turned to see what I thought was a skunk coming through the brush, and not wanting to get sprayed I scooted away.  From behind me I heard hissing and snarling, so I turned around to see what it was, and it wasn't a skunk but an angry badger.  I have never met a badger in the woods, but I now know where they get their reputation for being mean and fearless.  The twenty pound critter was pretty ticked at me for scaring away its lunch, and meant to make sure I knew.  It reared up as I turned around, teeth bared, and claws up, like it was a miniature bear. When he had finished his roar of challenge he dropped to all fours and came at me! Seeing no need to fight the badger I did the only sensible thing and ran away... 

 

On another side note, I was going down a long flat rock that had a pretty good angle and started to slip.  I caught my self quickly, but not before doing something to make my left knee make a strange popping sound (my left knee is supposed to be my good knee, as my right knee was injured in the car accident I had when I was 20, and has never been right since...)  I didn't think much of it at the time, as it didn't seem that bad, but just before I reached camp I had to do a pretty good down hill, and it really hurt...  It was the beginning of a lesson, and you can read more about it in tomorrow's post.

 

"And you know the plans that you have for me, and you can't plan the ends and not plan the means..." Caedmon's Call.

Prelude to a Walkabout

Some cultures call it a walkabout, some a vision quest, I like to think of it as a mini version of what Jesus did...  Going off into the wilderness to meet with God.  Jesus did it for 40 days, I'll be doing it for 9, and he did it without food or drink, I'll be bringing both, but the goal is the same: to get away from all of the distractions, and get some much needed perspective on my mission.

I did this for the first time 7 years ago.  So much has changed since.  7 years ago I was single, today I am a husband and father.  7 years ago I was an 'almost man' in transition, today I am a tree with roots.  I think that I have learned more about who God is and what matters in the last seven years that I had in all of the years leading up to them.  It started with a journey.

I was broken when I started that journey, and I learned that I needed further breaking.  I profoundly proud, and needed to be humbled before I would truly be useful.  I had just made the decision to leave the church where I had grown up, and where I had first served my King. Circumstances had come together to make me see some things about the culture that had formed my view of who God was, that I could not tolerate, and I had to leave.  But my whole identity was wrapped up in that culture.  Who was I without it?  That was what I needed to find out, and that was the reason for my first walkabout. 

I hit the Appalachian Trail, or AT, for what I thought would be a 30+ day hike from the New Hampshire border to the top of Mount Katadhin...  I was home within 48 hours.  I will never forget the meeting I had at the top of that first mountain.  Two old guys were in the lean two when I arrived.  They took one look at me and laughed.  "What are you planning to do with that axe" they asked, "Who do you think you are, Paul Bunyan?"  They were guides, men who knew the mountains well.  They would lead boy scouts into the woods, and help them understand what they were doing.  They asked me how heavy my pack was, and were extremely critical of almost every item I unloaded to use that night.  They offered to go through my pack like they would do for the boy scouts, and help me get rid of anything I didn't need.  I was tired and achy, and didn't want any part of their harsh criticism.

Today I wish I could find them and ask them to go through my pack and weed out anything I didn't need.  Friday I will start my hike with less than 1/2 as many pounds on my back... 

Those old guys knew what they were talking about.  Because Before I had gone two miles the next day my legs were so tired and achy that they were literally twitching on their own.  It was the strangest thing I've ever experienced. Like some kind of localized seizure...  After falling several times, I did the only logical thing I could do.  Made it to a road, and got out of the woods.

Before I hit the trail again, I took some advise.  I lightened my load, a bit, and started back out.  This time I was only two days in when I slipped, and re-injured my bad knee (originally injured in a car accident 3 years earlier).  I hobbled the next 4 miles to a road, and out I went.  Defeated and dejected.

After licking my wounds (mostly my ego) for a few days, I decided to try one more time.  I picked a section of woods where I would have to go several days  before I'd even be able to get out.  My first night of that hike I was surrounded by people, several of whom were smoking pot and using every 4 letter word I'd ever heard and even some I'd never heard before.  I remember getting ready to set up my tent away from the group, when for the first time on this walkabout I heard God loud and clear. 

God: "Go be with them."
Me: "I didn't come out hear to be around all of that, I came out her to be ALONE, with You."
God:"You are the light of the world, no one lights a lamp and hides it under a bowl".
Me: (grumpy) "Fine!"

I met the Jersey boys, a pot smoking, foul mouthed duo of ner-do-wells.  I met an unmarried couple my parents age who were adept at blending in with any crowd, and I met Mark, a quite marathon running, father of 2 teenagers who was quietly reading a book.

I got a chance to share my Bible and some good conversation with Mark, and by the end of our hike, we prayed together as Mark repented for 2 decades spent running from God. 

The very next morning I split my toe wide open and had to limp out and call it a summer. (I learned a great lesson that day that I will recount for you some other time...)  But that summer I learned what the Bible means when it says: "Whoever exalts himself will be humbled, but he who humbles himself will be exalted.  For God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble."

I had a plan for how I wanted to pursue God.  God taught me that He is the one who does the pursuing.  All I have to do is listen, trust and obey.  He used my weakness to move me into a place where He could use me.  He did it litterally that summer, but He also taught me that His strength is not best seen by my using my strengths.  His strength is made perfect in weakness.

So as I venture out for another walkabout, my first as a husband and father, I am praying that God's agenda will be met.  Whatever that entails...  And I'll tell you all about it in a week or two.

Journey (Part Three of Many)

A fact of life, an axiom if you will,  is that people behave according to what they believe. (not according to what they say they believe)  Case and point:  I can tell my wife I love her until I am breathless.  I can believe that I love my wife with all my heart, but until I understand what causes her to feel loved, and do that, she will not be loved. 

As Paul put it, if I can fathom all mysteries, and possess all knowledge but if I have not love, I gain nothing.

I desire to change, not just by reading, but by applying  what I have read.  I desire to do more than meet or listen to compelling individuals.  Instead I want to emulate those characteristics that I find compelling.  I want to filter what I find compelling through the scripture, and I want to know Christ, first by studying Him, then by walking  mile after mile in His sandals.  I want to live like He lived, selflessly, sacrificially  and focused solely on the glory of the Father.

I share this with you, not so that you will think I am wonderful, or spiritual, or intellectual.   I realize that there is always someone more wonderful you could be listening to, more spiritual that you could learn from, and certainly there are many more intellectual who could convey what I am trying to say in a more concise or articulate way.  I simply share these things with you because I appreciate what others have taken the time to write down and share with me. 

Journey (Part Two of Many)

There is a subtle but profound difference between being a student and being a disciple. 

A student accumulates and repeats information.  A disciple replicates behavior.   

Bear in mind, Christian, that we are not commanded to make students, but to make disciples.  Therefore we must be more than students ourselves.

Paul tells us in Romans 12 that transformation comes with the renewing of our mind.  When we stop being swept along by the flow of culture, the business of life, and the pattern of those around us, and become people who are desperate to understand the otherwise mysterious will of God.  Being a disciple isn't simply about seeking truth, but about seeking the source of truth.  Christian life isn't knowing about God, it is about knowing God, and imitating Him, like a child imitates a parent.  Belief is not intellectual assent.  It is far more agreement on a set of facts.  Belief is what we do with the information we have received.  

 

 

Knowing how to walk will not get me across a room, getting up and walking will.

Journey (Part One of Many)

I am on a journey.  A journey of finding my place in God's big story.  I want to discover what the Ephesians 2:10 means for me personally.  What good works was I created to do?  Why did God choose to breathe life into Charlie Hodsdon? 

As I have moved along this journey I have become persuaded that whomever it was that shared the following tid-bit was on to something: "5 years from now you will be the same person you are today except for the people you have met and the books that you have read."   (If I knew where the quote originated, I would give credit where it is due.)

I am entirely grateful for those who have taken the time to share their experiences in books, so that I can learn vicariously, and I am even more indebted to those who have taken the time to share their lives with me so that I can learn from their wisdom.  But I am also convinced that this observation about people and books, is, when taken in isolation, only half right. 

Without the Bible as my filter, I am not sure I would have taken the next step, but James 1:22 we read, "Be doers of the word, not hearers only, deceiving yourselves."  It is not enough just to read books or have experiences with interesting people, you must internalize the lessons learned, and put them into action, otherwise you are merely accumulating knowledge.  "Knowledge puffs up, but love builds up."