Change can be Emotional...

Today is an emotional day, because today we end what a friend called a 'Grand Social Experiment.'

27 months ago, we started our long term house sit of a huge house for some extremely generous friends of ours.  All they asked was that we share the blessing with others who may find themselves in need.

15 months ago our friends the Bookers took us up on the offer and moved into the second floor of the house.  Mom (Amy), Dad (Kevin), 3 boys (Kaden 9, Jesse 6 and Ransom 3) and 1 baby girl (4 months) made the jump from being friends to being family.

In the beginning there was lots of feeling mortified as our kids did the kinds of things kids do at home that you somehow manage to avoid them doing in public. And there was a fair amount of being mortified at ourselves, and the way we kept house, or parented.  But as Amy put it, the secret sauce was "radical grace".  Choosing patience, never letting anything fester, and coming to the place where you will genuinely miss being woken up in the night by a crying baby, who became a wicked cute toddler who likes to wake everyone up by throwing things out of her crib.

We knew from the beginning that this would probably not be a forever arrangement. That hasn't stopped it from being an emotional few weeks since they found a phenomenal deal on a little house just outside of town.  My Silas felt it first.  Since the announcement he has been "off" and not able to articulate exactly why.  I was in denial, even when they started taking load after load over to their new place, as they slowly began the moving process.  It didn't really hit me until I went upstairs one day and saw just how much they had moved out.  

Their kids spent one of their last weeks away, and the house was just too quiet. A portent of things to come.  My boys didn't know what to do with themselves with out their extra brothers around, and we realized just how much joy was moving to that little house just outside of town.  Even my dear overworked wife whose schedule keeps her working 13-15 hour days has been getting up early to savor coffee and toast with Amy.  My dear wife, who, even when it was just the two of us, found 1 person too overwhelming until she had spent at least an hour in silence with her bible and a cup of coffee, has spent her first waking moments several times this week in the natural chaos that is 5 little boys and 1 baby girl, just to savor the last drops of the joy that the Booker family has brought to our home.

My Silas has learned that leading means putting others first from Kaden (and man I will miss having you mow the lawns!).  We've all gotten a little tougher as Jesse's 'nothing slows me down' attitude and abundant energy have rubbed off on us. (you seriously are one of the strongest, toughest people I have ever met) Infectious laughter has been a constant in our house as Isaac and Ransom laugh at anything and everything the other says or does.  Little London has blossomed from a 4 month only baby to a year and half old little lady who will take my hand and sit me down on the carpet and play with me, clapping her hands when I finally understand what she is trying to get me to do (I am the only one who can call you princess).  

I've been grateful for a brother living under my roof.  Whether its remembering to take out the trash when I forget.  Fixing little things without being asked, using his snow blower to keep a path clear to the wood pile for me, almost weekly basketball games, or just being someone I can bounce big ideas off, I have treasured our unexpected deep conversations in the kitchen as you cooks up you latest kill, and lots of free samples of venison.  

Then their is Amy, who has made my transition to "house husband" much smoother.  She does so much around the house in her constant attempt to bless Shandy.  I swear the woman has washed more of my dishes and folded more of our clothes than I have.  While she has been trying to bless Shandy, I have certainly been blessed as well.  She makes my wife smile, helps her to process big thoughts, and gives her a reason to express big feelings.  Without you being the friend to Shandy that you are, she would not have gotten through her lowest points. You have been the quintessential best friend to her and thank you just seems insufficient.

All of these blessings and one more.  We've long desired to be a Haven for those who need it.  To provide a place where people can step out of some of their stresses and into a place of rest.  Given some of our past experiences we've wondered if we were cut out for it.  This was not our first attempt at living with friends.  In our 8 years together we have lived with extra people underfoot more often than not. Shandy's sister, a guy from our small group, good friends, a single mom and her 3 kids.  Ups and downs, some of which made us wonder if we had misunderstood the calling we call Haven.  You have renewed our hope that our Haven is a real and tangible thing.  That we can be a blessing and be blessed at the same time. 

Thank you for being a part of our experiment.  We consider it a huge success.  You came to us as friends and go out as family.  We will miss having you underfoot.  We pray (HARD) that God will continue to grow our connection to each other as you embark on the next chapter of your story.  May your little house just outside of town be filled with all of the joy that you brought to ours.

Order Our Days

It has been 10 months since the Sabbatical part of our journey began.  In that time Shandy and I have felt a distinct lack of momentum.  We are both task oriented people who love checking things off lists and feeling accomplished, but we have been in a season where that just hasn't seemed to be part of God's plan.  It has been a season of false starts, new jobs that didn't stick, new ministry opportunities that weren't quite the right fit, and possible church homes that we just couldn't commit to.  Through it we've had this sense of "We feel God wants us to be doing something, but we haven't been able to finger on what it is."

Shandy hasn't been working as much the last few months, and my side jobs have slowed down quite a bit. Silas graduated Kindergarten, and we've had a bit of time to breathe deeply.  Just a bit, because God had plans for that slower season of life as well.  Shandy's Grandmother passed away, and she was able to spend time with her family during Gram's last few days on earth.  She's also been able to make several trips down to help her grandfather during his grief and period of adjustment.  Also recently our 3 year old niece had a severe diabetic episode, and Shandy was able to hop in the car and drive to be with family in the hospital.  Thankfully the precious little one pulled through the worst of it, she is back home now and the family is learning how to manage this disease they didn't know she had.

We've learned, in these last few months, that God really does order our days.  He plans our times and our seasons.  It is teaching us a kind of trust and contentment that has been missing.

There are also a bunch of new things on the horizon for us.

Shandy is about to start a new job as the General Manager of a Pizza Hut.  Being a Restaurant General Manager (or RGM as she puts it) has been on her bucket list since high school, and it is a blessing to see her getting to fulfill a long term ambition.  The new job will give us new challenges and new opportunities, and we feel like it is exactly where God wants us, as we prepare for the future He is calling us to.

Speaking of that future, we have started getting together on a weekly basis with a group of friends who share our long term goals of opening a camp or other kind of ministry where people can step out of the hectic and into a haven.  We are beginning our journey together by building a good foundation. Getting to know each other and each other's families, committing to encouraging each other to read through the Bible in a year, gathering to sit around the table and talk about what we read, and being inspired by reading Radical (by David Platt). After just the a few weeks we are all feeling the urge to take big steps toward realigning ourselves with God's plans for our lives.

Even as we start to dream and build relationships that may one day result in an organized life ministry, 'haven' is happening organically.  Our housemates have provided us with opportunities to use the big house (we are long term house sitting) to widen the circle of people we can bless.  Yesterday was a whirlwind of extra faces as we took in a family in crisis, hung out with a mom and her kids who needed a break, and took a passel of extra kiddos to the lake for some R&R.  I LOVE sharing life with like minded people, and watching the little community we have made bless others.  It is happening organically, the way things should when you join your life with people who truly share your values.  I am so grateful for the blessing that living with the Bookers has been.  And I am blessed and humbled by Mark and Luanna who entrusted us with their house, and gave us their blessing to live out our vision, in continuation of their own love for hospitality.

I could go on, and talk about a new friend and the extremely refreshing conversations we've had about life and ministry, but the bottom line is that there is energy and optimism in the air that has been missing.  It is as if the wind is returning to a ship that has been adrift at sea.  I don't doubt that there will be rocks and storms ahead, but for now it is good to feel just a bit of momentum.

Another Update from the Season Sabbatical...

I haven't updated this blog in a while, mostly because I am taking some good advice.  Someone I respect once wrote, "Don't post publicly what you have not yet worked out privately."  The truth is I've drafted a half a dozen blogs since my last post.  Writing give my thoughts some tangibility and helps me process.  But everything I've written has been missing a conclusion.  Right now Shandy and I both feel like we are coming to the edge of something, but we just aren't quite sure what.  We feel like it is almost time to come out of the cocoon we've wrapped ourselves in for the last six months, but we both feel like there is one more change that needs to happen, we just aren't exactly sure what it is...

So we wait, resting in the quiet of this season, and prepare to move when God moves.

With that said, here are some updates since my last post:

For most of our marriage Shandy and I have tried to keep a weekly date night.  Due to work schedules, and having a kid in school the weekly thing hasn't happened lately, but we did get away for her birthday last month, and we've had a few dates recently that we've been able to make the most of.  We are finding that, because we aren't dating as often, we are having much deeper conversation when we do.   Lately we've been dreaming about the future, and trying to look at the things God has done in and through us in the past to help us plan the next steps.

Most of those dates have come spur of the moment, courtesy of our housemates.  We have quickly become addicted to living in community, especially to living in community with the Booker clan.  We may be sharing our place to live with them, but we often feel indebted to them for the kindness they show. Shandy and I also wonder if Amy has superpowers, because she can single-handedly watch all 6 kids (her 4 and our 2) and still have the house sparkling when we get back, often while managing to squeeze in a blog post of her own or baking something yummy...

Amy ends up watching all of the kids because her husband Kevin and I have been joining a group of guys for a weekly night of basketball, while Shandy works.  For about 2 hours we play a half dozen pick up games with a wide variety of characters who posses a wide variety of skill levels.  The first few weeks I was pretty much a warm body, but I am slowly remembering how to play and it has become a highlight of my week. The games take place at a gym about 20 minutes out of town so we carpool out with 3 other guys. The five of us all attend the church, and I have really enjoyed getting back into a routine of spending time with a group of like minded men.

Speaking of like minded men, another highlight of my week is Thursday night when my friend Lincoln comes over.  We talk about the Word, life, parenting, husbanding, and pray for each other, and occasionally play a board game.  It has been good to have a brother to hold me accountable during a season of life where I am not fully settled into a church community.

Our boys are going through growth spurts.  The height gap between the Hodsdon boys and Booker boys has close significantly in the last 3 months, and while their physical growth has been impressive they've also been growing in other ways.  Silas is learning to read, to the point where he reads and writes just because it is fun to use his new skill.  Isaac is leaving behind the last bits of toddler-hood and becoming a full fledged kid.  His capacity for learning is blossoming as only the mind of a 4 year old can.  (I think in heaven we will all be 4 years old... I don't have any theology to back that up, I just think it is the age of human perfection).  Both boys have also been growing in their spiritual thinking as well. They are asking good questions, and making connections between life situations and things we read in the Bible.  It is a beautiful thing...

Thoughts from the Orange Conference - Students

Part 3 of my thoughts from the Orange Conference.  These are some bullet points of ideas that I'd like to plug into my ministry to teens.  Keep in mind that these are just bullet points, and don't hesitate to ask questions if anything is unclear.

• The 4G gospel – we were created “Good” and of great worth to God.  “Guilt” from our sin separates us from that goodness and from God.  “Grace” inspired God to send Jesus to make a way for our relationship with God to be reconciled, and it is “Gratitude” for what God has done that motivates us to turn from evil do good.
• Set specific goals for each year (ie for the freshmen, for the sophomores, etc…) and communicate those goals to each student, mentor and parent.
• Connect them to service, not to a person or a program.  People and programs can be taken away, but if they learn to love God through serving others, they can build new relationships and programs.
• Match-make inter-generational partnerships 1 at a time.
• Provide them with specific actions they can take to be missionaries at school
• Invite them to invite others
• Don’t just assimilate them into the youth ministry; assimilate them out of it as well.
• When it comes to your program Only do what you can do with excellence
• When it comes to relationships remember that God is more interested in your availability than in your ability.
• Teach them how to study the bible; don’t just tell them to do it.  For starters try this: “Pray, Read, Think, Write, Pray.”  Pray – that you will understand what you are about to read, Read – keep it small enough to digest, Think of something you can do with what you've read, Write it down (no longer than a tweet or Facebook status), Pray – that God will help you practice what you've read.
• Give them goals then can attain.  (one example- Going from 0 bible study to 7 days a week would be great, but they may feel like failures if they don’t meet that, shoot for 4 days for starters, and work up from there)
• Remember that the lesson isn't over until it has been applied
• Teach their parents about grace – teen years are when they should be transitioning from doing what is right out of guilt (or fear of punishment) to doing it out of gratitude for the Grace God showed them when he sent Jesus.  Grace will need to be modeled in the home.
• Change the gauge of success – from results to steps.  (one example: rather than how many friends have gotten saved, to how many times you shared your testimony.)
• Students won’t believe they are significant until they are given something significant to do.

Haven Part 3

We moved.

Just across town, but it is a BIG move for us. We went from renting to being the stewards of the amazing home I told you about in my last "Haven" themed post.

Yesterday at 12:22 I arrived at the apartment we'd been living with the U-haul.  I had 29 friends and family members waiting in the yard, ready to help us move. (That number does not include the children who joined their parents in helping us.)  By 1:33 we had all had our fill of pizza, and I was backing the U-haul out of the driveway.  By 2:30 it was unloaded. 

This amazing feat is not only a testament to the wonderful friends with whom God has blessed us, but also to my wife's amazing organizational skills. It felt like she was a part of moving day, even though she was in Hungary, because she had everything ready to go, and labeled so that we could organize it quickly on the other end. 

I arrived at our new home were other friends were already busily cleaning carpets, dusting shelves and scrubbing floors.

Some were ready to leave when the truck was unloaded, others would stay until evening helping us unload boxes and clean.  Before the amazing group of volunteers scattered, I called them all into the living room, and told them the following.

1. THANK YOU
2. This house is a gift from God
3. The owners have told us that their one condition for letting us use this amazing house is that we keep a room or two open for people who need a roof over their heads. Something we are eager to do.
4. The Bible makes it really clear that we should use the gifts we have been given to bring glory to God or we will lose them.  We intend to use it.
5. If you are ever in need or know of anyone in need, let us know, so that we can prayerfully consider sharing this blessing.

Since then two of the families that helped us move have mentioned that they know people who might be in need of just the kind of help we are looking to offer.  This blesses me more than words can say. 

We aren't yet ready to take people in quite yet.  For starters, Shandy will need to get back from Hungary. Then she and I will need to sit down and figure out how to evaluate the various needs that we will no doubt encounter, and what kinds of arrangements we will need to make with the people who come to live with us.  That said it is good to know that our friends took us seriously about the ministry we feel called to do. It seems clear that there is a need, a void that we will be able to fill.

In other news, one of our friends called me to ask if she could swing by the house and pick some acorns from our woods from her son's school project.  It is so cool that she would ask, and that we could be a blessing.

Can't wait to see what kinds of things God is going to do with Haven.

Haven Part 2

You can read Haven Part 1 here. 

Haven is the name Shandy and I have given to the ministry we believe God has called us to.  As we have traveled the journey He has been leading us on, the specifics of Haven have changed, but a few things have stayed the same.

1. People, in need will live under the same roof as our family.
2. We will share our lives and our faith with them
3. We will mentor them, spiritually, emotionally, practically...

My wife and I are both the type to try to 'make' things happen.  We like to make a list, and have a plan, but not matter what we put on paper, something came up, and this mission has been hold, even seemed impossible for a long time, but as I said in Haven Part 1... Then the phone rang...

It was a couple from our church, who had also attend the church I grew up in.  I've known them for the better part of 15 years.  I helped them move into the house where they are living, enjoyed annual Christmas parties at their home, envied the way they can finish each other's sentences, and seen them be generous with all that God has given them.  The wife was there when we first saw our babies via ultra sound.  She has been there when my wife needed someone to bridge the gap between physician and friend during the battle with Bi-polar.  I've watch the husband devote himself as both husband and father, modeling the self sacrificing love that Christ calls us to as men. We've worked together in ministry, and they even trusted us with their kids on occasion.

They called to tell us they were moving.  She is taking a job in another state, but they love the home they designed together, and don't want to sell it.  They want someone to take care of the place until they are ready to retire, or until God says it is time to let it go. 

We were speechless.  The opportunity was too amazing to possibly be real.  We had a hard time knowing what to say because we were overwhelmed by the size of the generosity and trust they were extending.  It is humbling, and awesome, and exciting all at once.  And that's when we thought they were asking us to do it for just a year.  We littlerally couldn't talk when we found out that it might be as many as 10 years.  (I will use James 4:13-16 as a disclaimer)

A week from today they will pull out of the driveway to start the next chapter of their adventure, and we will pull in to start the next chapter our ours.

I haven't told you the coolest part yet.  The Haven part.  The "Wow, God is Awesome" part.

They had one condition.  Their condition was that we keep the house open to whomever needed a place to stay.  Be it for a weekend, a week, a month, or a year.  They know the house is a gift from God and they know that they should to use it to honor Him, and their one requirement of us is that we continue their ministry to those in need of a home.  As the Apostle Paul once said, "The very thing we were eager to do".

We don't know who God will bring into our home, or how much time and energy this style of life will take, what the implications are for other jobs or ministries, but we do know that God has provided us with a home. God has taken away the biggest line item in our budget, provided years of the financial security that we thought was gone when we said no to the job with US Customs. He has shown us that nothing is to big for our God.  He has shown us that He is the one who directs our path.  The the same God who took care of Israel in the desert, who took care of Elijah in the wilderness, who feeds the birds  of the air, and clothes the lillies, is our God, and is our provider.

Walkabout Day 3

The third day of my walkabout, was scheduled to be a climb up and across the Saddleback Mountain range a series of three 4000 foot peaks.   I thought I would try it, but after about 2 miles The knees just wouldn't take it anymore.

I spent the rest of the day in a series of caves and on Piazza rock, reading my Bible and talking to God.  It was the best part of my time in the woods.  Relieved of the distraction of climbing mountains, I was able to focus on my real reason for being in the woods.

I got to read entire books of the Bible.

I spent hours in prayer and solitude.

I was reminded of the value of being still and knowing Him. 

It was extremely refreshing. 

I spent a third night in the woods, and the following day I sang old hymns loudly as I hiked down from lofty mountain grandeur, saw the brooks and felt the gentle breeze.  I then got to spend another 1/2 day in the woods and the word while waiting for my wife to pick me up.

Just before my hike I bought a medallion.

It appealed to me because it reminded me that if I want strong branches I must have strong roots.  If I want to bear fruit, I have to be well nourished.  If I want what people see to positively influence them, then I need to be diligent and disciplined in the things they can't see.

I think that this was the biggest lesson from my time in the woods. 
I have been so focused on trying to bear fruit that I forgot the wisdom of Psalm 1.

 

Blessed is the man... whose delight is in the law of the Lord,

and in His law he meditates day and night.

He will be like a tree firmly planted by streams of water,

Which yields fruit in its season and it's leaf does not wither;

and in whatever he does, he prospers.

Seems like a simple lesson. 
Put first things first...
Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness... 

Sometimes I get so focused on seeking His kingdom, that I forget to just seek Him. 

Like not being able to see the forest for the trees, or not being able to enjoy the trail because you are thinking about the difficult climb ahead...

I needed to be reminded.

Meditate on the Word.

Because if the roots are healthy, the fruit and the leaves will be healthy.

 

For the ground that drinks the rain which often falls on it and brings forth vegetation useful to those for whose sake it is also tilled, receives a blessing from God; but if it yields thorns and thistles, it is worthless and close to being  cursed and it ends up being burned. 

Hebrews 6:7&8

Walkabout Day 2

The game changer for day two of my hike was the little knee injury from the previous day.  I think I hurt it initially about a month ago when hiking with the teens.  I slipped and landed badly, but the terrain wasn't so bad and I kept going.  It wasn't until the next day that it really hurt.  On the second day of my walkabout I realized it was likely the same injury.

 

With 11.4 miles ahead of me, I decided to get an early start.   My first break would be about five miles down the trail at a spot where the trail cam near a small pond.  I was about two miles in, enjoying the beauty of the forest in the early morning, and singing loudly and badly, when Sunshine, a thru-hiker, caught up to me.  I managed to keep up with him for the next two and a half miles, and enjoyed conversation and trail stories.  We took our ease at the lake, and I heard a bit more of his life when he's not on the trail, and shared a bit about my life.  As with Troubadour the night before, I wished that I could say something profound that would turn our conversation to things eternal, but it didn't happen...  When we started back down my aching knee had started taking it's toll, and the morning spent hiking faster that I probably should have also was having an effect, and I was quickly outdistanced. 

It wasn't long before being gentle on the left knee started taking it's toll on the old car accident injury to my right knee, and the possibility that I may not get over the looming mountains grew to a probability. 

 

As I hiked I wondered why these journeys always seem to end early on account of injury.  As I traversed the miles in solitude, I came up with three distinct possibilities.

 

1. Perseverance:  Could it be that I'm just a wimp, and don't like to do things that are uncomfortable?  I met an eight or nine year old boy on a day hike with his family, and you could tell by the look on his face he wasn't enjoying his trek.  He looked at me and asked "Can you tell me how this is supposed to build character?" as though someone had told him that hiking would do so, but he really didn't believe them.  I told him that it would teach him to keep going even when things got hard and that would help him in everything else.  His dad smiled broadly and as our paths crossed I heard him say something to the effect of "see that's what I've been telling you".  Perhaps that was the lesson I needed to learn.  Just persevere.  Don't quit because it isn't easy.  Fight through it.  Like I told that boy, it is a lesson worth learning, that has application for every aspect of life, and especially ministry.

 

2. Refocus.  I went out on the trail to spend quite time with God, but all I could think about was the trail, the mountains, the miles, etc.  Hiking was supposed to be my secondary objective, but there I was ready to quit because hiking hurt.  I has told my wife I needed at least three nights alone in the woods with God.  I needed to focus on that objective, being alone with God.  To be still and know Him better, but my focus was all on hiking.  I realized that ministry can be the same way.  I find myself so busy that what should be an expression or overflow of my relationship with God becomes my main objective.

 

3. Get Healthy.  Sometimes the simple solution is the best one.  Sometimes, you hurt and can't do what you want to do because you are just six years older than the last time you tried this and you've gained weight, and sat behind a desk for too long.  Sometimes you need just this kind of a wake up call so that you'll get into the kind of shape you know you'll need to be in to keep up with two little boys who will soon be teenagers.

 

I think that's enough for today... 

All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful;  yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness.  Therefore strengthen the hands that are weak and the knees that are feeble, and make straight paths for your feet so that the limb which is lame may not be put out of joint but rather healed.

Hebrews 12:11-13

Walkabout Day 1

So this years walkabout went about like this...  I didn't hike nearly as many miles as I intended, I realized that I am not nearly as fit as I think I am, I learned some much needed humility, and I met with God.

 

Day 1 was a short 4ish mile trek from Rt 17 to Sabbath Day Pond.  It was beautiful, It was just challenging enough to remind me that I hadn't hiked with a pack in 6 years, and it was a great opportunity to just thank God for the chance to be out in the woods.  I quickly realized that there would be a bigger challenge ahead of me.  I actually hate being alone, and the idea of being in the woods just me and God was daunting.  I had to spend some serious time meditating on that.  Why was being alone with God so overwhelming?  Why was I hoping other hikers would show up? Wasn't I coming out to be alone with God?  Well the other hikers came after just a few hours, and I got the distraction I thought I wanted.  I had a good conversation with a thru-hiker named Troubadour, who was quite a musician, and put on a mini concert for several of us that night.  We all shared trail stories, and it was good, very restful, and I thought an excellent way to start my trek.

On a side note,  I scared a partridge.  The thing was so close when it took off that a wing literally hit my hiking pole.  If you have ever heard a partridge take off, you know how loud they can be, and in the peace and quiet of the woods, it was enough to make me jump about 10 feet out of my boots.  As I started to feel foolish for being so startled by a bird, I heard something else crashing through the woods.  I turned to see what I thought was a skunk coming through the brush, and not wanting to get sprayed I scooted away.  From behind me I heard hissing and snarling, so I turned around to see what it was, and it wasn't a skunk but an angry badger.  I have never met a badger in the woods, but I now know where they get their reputation for being mean and fearless.  The twenty pound critter was pretty ticked at me for scaring away its lunch, and meant to make sure I knew.  It reared up as I turned around, teeth bared, and claws up, like it was a miniature bear. When he had finished his roar of challenge he dropped to all fours and came at me! Seeing no need to fight the badger I did the only sensible thing and ran away... 

 

On another side note, I was going down a long flat rock that had a pretty good angle and started to slip.  I caught my self quickly, but not before doing something to make my left knee make a strange popping sound (my left knee is supposed to be my good knee, as my right knee was injured in the car accident I had when I was 20, and has never been right since...)  I didn't think much of it at the time, as it didn't seem that bad, but just before I reached camp I had to do a pretty good down hill, and it really hurt...  It was the beginning of a lesson, and you can read more about it in tomorrow's post.

 

"And you know the plans that you have for me, and you can't plan the ends and not plan the means..." Caedmon's Call.

The fun parts

Sometimes ministry is work and sometimes it is fun.  Let me share with you some of the fun parts.

#1.  I got to pray with a little girl as she asked Jesus to forgive her, and change her life.  It made all of the effort that went into VBS well worth it.  Seeing the joy on her face was amazing!  I was SO tired and drained from all the work that went into all of it, and those feeling just evaporated, when something of eternal significance happened.  You can read more about it on the Blog I run for our youth group cbcbrewerteens.blogspot.com.

#2. Networking with other Orange Thinkers.  On Thursday I got a call from Sarah, a mother of 3 and the Children's ministries worker at another church in our area.  She wanted to come see our VBS, because she'd heard that we were doing things a bit differently this year.  Friday night she made it to VBS, and we got to chat for a few minutes. I spend so much time talking Orange to people who don't see the need to combine the influences of church and family, that it was refreshing to spend some time talking to someone who was excited about it, and looking hopefully toward what God was going to do at her church.

#3. Serving with my wife!  Shandy lead the Parents group at our VBS this past week, and it was great to spend time with her finding out what had happened and how people were responding to the ideas she presented.  Since Bi-polar became a part of our lives, she hasn't been able to be "in the trenches" with me as much, and I had forgotten just how awesome it is to have a partner that you trust completely, taking care of vital parts of the ministry.

#4. Hanging out with teenagers.  I had a lot of fun with my skit crew this summer.  I have spent so much time recently with the new believers in our youth group, that I felt like I was neglecting some of the teens that used to get much of my time.  Last night after VBS wrapped up, we had a cast party.  We rode go-karts and played mini-golf and laughed.  We cranked up the radio in the church van and sang at the top of our lungs, and spent time as friends.  It was very good.  (only sad part was that David wasn't able to join us)

#5. Family Day.  This may not sound like part of ministry, but believe me, the cycles that God planned for us are a vital part of ministry!  A day of rest with my wife and kids, is just what was needed after the long busy season of summer ministry.  We went yard sale shopping, bought lots of lemonade from young entrepreneurs and took a drive. 

River of Life

I haven't blogged in a bit because I spent the last week at camp, and the time leading up to it getting ready.  I took our teens to serve for a week, and it was an incredible week.

I thought that they would learn and grow, but I had no idea what it would look like.

For some it was a matter of stretching their wings.  They served God all week long, letting Him love little ones through them. 

For others it was a matter of dealing with disappointment.  Having high expectations of yourself, and learning that "serving as unto the Lord" doesn't always have to mean perfect.  It is okay to forget your lines, to have no one respond to your gospel presentation, to be tired...  God wants all of our Heart Soul and Strength, but even when we lay it all out there, it isn't going to be perfect. (I wish I'd learned that in 8th grade)

Some of the teens seemed to go through a spiritual growth spurt this week.  Starting off with asking for forgiveness, and then finding the fruit of the spirit ripening before their very eyes.  I watched one young man struggle to serve kids even though as he often said "I don't even like kids".  I saw him learn patience with a little boy who peed his pants 4 times before lunch, learn self control when kids just wouldn't listen.  He even sought forgiveness from the children when he fell short.  I never expect this boy to become a man right before my eyes.

I spent an hour just listening to the sobs of one young lady who was convicted of sin.  I got to share 2nd Corinthians 7:10, "Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regrets".  She wasn't able to speak the words, but she did write them out, confessing the sin, and later she sought forgiveness from the person she had wronged.  Watching her the rest of the week it was obvious that joy had replaced the anguish she had been feeling.

I had other long chats too.  One in which I forgot to speak the truth in love.  I spoke the truth, but I was angry at the behavior, and it was evident.  It was not righteous anger, it was man's anger, and I fear I may have lost my chance to help the students involved.  Apologies don't always work, sometimes the damage is done, and you loose the fragile trust you've been working to build.  When then happens you pray that God can work, and for another chance, and you realize that you can't always believe the compliments. I am a sinner, saved by grace, and far from perfect.

I also had a front row seat to watch a soon to be high school freshman become a leader, among the kids and among peers, showing wisdom beyond those tender years, and pointing others to Jesus.  MVP, Team Captain, Awesome.  I look forward to seeing what God will do with this life, and I am thankful to have a chance to serve with this amazing student.

The thing that meant the most to me though was my team.  I'm the only one who gets to do this for a living, but they gave freely of their time and talents.  It meant the world to have Leighanna there to help the teens adjust to camp life, and to help me get them focused on the tasks at hand.  Here ministry set the tone for the week.  When she left for her family vacation, Jenny arrived, and taught them what it means to work hard (after having worked hard all day herself).  She also loved them when they were tired and slightly unlovable and shared the truth with them in down to earth practical way only she can.  Nicole and David showed up at just the right time, were there when we had to deal with some teenage drama, and provided shoulders to cry on when two brothers got bad news about a loved one being rushed to the hospital.  Nicole assessed the problems several teens were facing with in minutes of arriving, and gave healthy doses of tough love where needed.  It was amazing to see Philip there, loving and serving the teens after putting in long hours on the construction site, having to leave for work before most of us were even awake and building into the group while I was busy dealing with the heart issues of an individual.  Never saw that coming when he was 12 and I was just learning how lead.

(you can see pictures and read othere stories from the week at camp at my othere blog: cbcbrewerteens.blogspot.com)

Haven (Part 1 of Many)

Years before my wife and I met, God put a dream in my heart.  That dream was to own a place where people who were weary from the world could come and find rest.  In my mind it was a camp in the woods, were the world-weary could come, serve, encounter God and live simply until they recovered from the storm.  I almost bought 140-acre plot of land to make it happen, but then I met a girl, bought a house and started a family. 

That girl had a dream; something God had put on her heart.  That dream was to own a place where people who were weary from the world could come and find rest.  In her mind it was a small hotel or bed and breakfast, where world-weary people could come, serve, encounter God and live simply until they recovered from the storm.  She had her eye on a large house in the western mountains of Maine that she thought would be perfect for this, but she was a missionary in Hungary, until she met a boy, bought a house and started a family.

Five years passed.  In that time they had two beautiful boys, had several different people live with them, learned how important family is to the mission they both felt called to do, applied for a job that offered great fiancial security, learned a lot about trust, sold their house, turned down a job that offered great financial security, moved in with friends who seemed to have a similar vision only to have that experiment end without really ever getting started, interned at their church, learned a the feet of a great mentor, made life long friends, battled bi-polar disorder, baptized new believers and waited for God’s timing. 

Then the phone rang... 

Tune in sometime in September or October to find out more...

Vacation

The last vacation I took was in 2007, my wife and I went to Hungary.  Five years and two kids latter, my wife and I took our two boys on vacation again.  This time camping in the White Mountains and StoryLand.  I hope we don't have to wait five years to do it again.

If you want cute pictures and stories, check out my wife's blog Shanbrosia.  Since you are reading my blog you are in for some introspection.  So here are some things I learned:

1: Family time is of infinite value.  Whether it was sharing a dairy free icecream and conversation with my two year old, campfire conversations with my wife, or swimming in the deep end with my four year old, there is simply nothing that compares with the value of quality time.  My favorite moment was visiting the chapel at Storyland with my two year old on my shoulders.  As we left he said "dadda, too bad we not live here, maybe in heaven"  We then talked about God, and heaven, and what Jesus did for us. In the midst of this deep conversation, I asked him how God cleans our hearts, and he cheerfully told me "With a broom".  Not exactly great theology, but a great moment with my two year old.

2: We fail when we fail to plan.  We had a plan for the first two days of our vacation, then we thought we'd play it by ear for a day.  We started off with a train ride, which was awesome, but after a nap and a swim we headed out again, our plan was just to get ice, but we got spontaneous, and headed to the Conway outlets, and it quickly descended into chaos. We pulled into McDonalds for a quick meal, and the boys wanted to play in the play place, which required socks, that we didn't have, so we spent a little extra and bought McDonalds socks (did you know you can buy socks at McDonalds?)  In the first outlet store we visited they had a table of legos for the kids to play with while Shandy shopped, we thought this was a great idea, until we tried to leave, and Isaac started screaming.  The shopping trip got worse from there, and we did that terrible thing that parents some times do.  We bribed them.  "If you are good we can buy a toy"  We'll good was relative, but it happened, then came the toy store.  Silas has expensive tastes, and didn't want anything under $30.00, and we had more crying and fussing, and shame on me I still bought him a toy.  As my wife and I debriefed in the car, on the stressful experience we realized that we both had assumed that the other had wanted to go shopping, neither of us did.  We learned that a little communication and planning goes a long way.

3: The world can survive without me. We unplugged completely.  No radio, cell phones, tv, netflix, computers, nothing that plugged in all weekend.  I have to say that I was anxious about it.  What if one of my teens needed me, could things at church possibly continue with me there to hover over it like a nervous mother hen, what if congress did something stupid, or the Red Sox traded someone!  Well the world kept turning, and nothing catastrophic happened to any of those responsibilities that seem to demand so much of my time.  The lesson here may just be that I am not as important as I think I am.  Or maybe that my responsibilities are not as 'do or die' as I think think they are when I drop everything to take care of them.  So I learned a valuable lesson about my own importance and obsessive need for information...  There is nothing that will teach you humility as quickly as unplugging yourself for a few days and seeing that everything carries on just fine without you.

So there are a few observations from vacation.  I am already looking forward to next year.

Update...

I haven't blogged in a long time. But I have a desire to start over, so I am. We shall see if this foray into blogging lasts any longer than any of my previous attempts. I hope you may be blessed by what you read.

In case you are wondering what I've been up to for the last year. I am happy to say that it has been a great year of Moving and Re-Thinking.

We took a chance on our long term dream by moving in with some friends who had a similar long term dream. Our goal was to experiment with living in community, so that we could get a taste of what it would be like to bring the weary and heavy laden into our home. It was certainly a great trial run. As it turned out, we were the ones who were weary and heavy laden. My wife's Bi-polar disorder was at a crescendo during our experiment. I hadn't figured out how to trust God with that part of life yet, the 40 commute each way cut into our family time, and we were adapting to living in a rural environment as opposed to the Maine version of urban... As I am writing about this experiment in the past-tense, you may have guessed that it didn't quite work out like we had planned. On the upside, we learned a lot. As a result of that dark time in my wife's depression, I finally know what it is like to go to God and tell him that something is too big for me to handle, to just give it to Him and have Him completely change my heart. Not because of anything I did, but because I stopped trying to do it myself, and fell into the arms of a gracious God, who changed my very way of thinking, my impulses... It was a much needed lesson in trust. The first of many. Hopefully I am a better husband, father, and servant for it.

After that, it was like God opened a floodgate of Blessings on our ministry. Our teens got the chance to really tangibly help a family in need. We bought Christmas presents for a family in our community who had lost their job. Our teens raised 100% of the money, and bought the gifts on the simple list the dad had prepared. Christmas Sunday that family was in church for the first time. By Easter the parents had been baptized, and a few weeks later I had the privilege of leading their two teenage daughters and their niece to Jesus. Just a few weeks ago, their teenage son and his friend accepted Christ, and last week one of the girl's boyfriends, came to my office in tears, asking that I help him find Jesus. And they aren't the only ones, 4 other young men have decided to follow Jesus, since Thanksgiving of 2011. I was recently reading a friend's prayer letter and wondering how they got new believers to write such beautiful testimonies, so that they could post them in their letter. This Sunday I got a text message that made it clear. The most recent teen to accept Christ sent me these words, "I went from very broken to very happy today. Thank you so much. See you at Bible Study." My friends get people to write such beautiful testimonies for their prayer letters, because "Out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks." Words do not begin to describe how blessed I feel to be able to be used by God. I have realized what Paul said is true. There is nothing worth boasting about except what God has done. Nothing else matters.

Recently those lessons in trust have been put to the test. Working 2 part time jobs puts you in a rough spot when neither one provides health insurance, and you don't quite make enough to buy it for your family of 4. So may family has been on Mainecare. In May our legislature voted to change the law so that we will no longer qualify. From a political perspective, I totally agree with the decision. From a "how on earth do I provide for my family" position, I was freaked out! Should I quit a job and stay on assistance? Should I quit both and find a full time job that would provide insurance? Do I beg my church to take me on full time? Do I go back to school so that I can move toward my long term goal of full time ministry? Honestly my first instinct was to take matters into my own hands, to find a way to meet the need. After all just one of my wife's prescriptions alone could cost $60.00 a day!

But God is good, and reminds us at just the right time of the things we need to know. I brought a book home from a conference, that said that trust in God was the most important thing we could teach our kids. I read about the amazing faith of the servants who participated in Jesus first miracle by filling bathtub sized jars with water. (read John 2 from the perspective of the servants. It will blow your mind) I preached a sermon on it and on Proverbs 3:5&6,  how we should trust without leaning on our own understanding. And wouldn't you know, the virtue we are teaching the kids at church this month is... TRUST! all month I am reading these lessons and preparing to teach the topic.  It is like God is hitting me up the side of the head with a 2x4 saying, "Hey! do what I want you to do, seek first My kingdom and My righteousness and I will take care of everything else!"

So what did I do? I read a book called Quitter by Jon Acuff. It is basically about "how to go from your day job to your dream job without committing marital or financial suicide" . I read it thinking I'd figure out how to quit my jobs, and get the job I really want, or at least one that would help me take matters into my own hands an provide for my family... Apparently I needed one or two more hits with the 2x4... The first chapter of this book was entitled "don't quit your day job". I almost put it down. But I kept reading, and like a younger hipper Gordon Macdonald was speaking to me, I was reminded of the difference between being driven to do something and being called to do it. I was reminded to rediscover the passions God had placed in my life, and to pursue them, and I realized that this is exactly what I am doing. I am in the environment that God wants me to be in, doing the things he wants me to do, and practicing the things I will need to be excellent at before I can do them "full time". There are some changes I need to make to really focus in on my calling, to keep my eyes on the goal instead of the emergencies that pop up, but I am doing what God wants me to do. He is blessing richly, and I know that as long as I keep my eyes on Him, I can trust Him.

So that's a quick over view of what's been going on in my year away from blogging. I look forward to keeping you more informed on what God is doing as I keep Moving and Re-thinking.