Forgiveness

AUTHOR'S NOTE:  Please see the post "Sometimes I get it Wrong" where I address the bad theology that I used when writing this post.  I left this post up, not because I am proud of it, but because I want my blog to have a record that I need to be and can be corrected, and I appreciate the people who have taken the time to correct me and instruct me.

I've heard quite often that forgiveness should not depend on whether or not the other person is ‘sorry’.  I don't believe that.

Truth is I don't put much stock in 'sorry'...
To most folk, 'sorry' just means, 'I feel bad'.
That kind of sorry is selfish.

Forgiveness requires repentance.
To repent means to turn and walk in the opposite direction.

I say this knowing that the idea of 'forgiveness without repentance' has become deeply ingrained in Christian culture. Over 30+ years of church life, many a well meaning person has admonished me to forgive people who have not asked for my forgiveness, or demonstrated an iota of repentance. Many a Christian has asked me to forgive them, without accepting responsibility for their actions or changing their direction.  Multiple songs that are currently very popular in Christian music preach the idea that when it comes to forgiveness, "It doesn't matter if they're sorry or not".

I say this knowing that many will take umbrage with my point of view. I'm probably holding a minority view point. You might think that I am bitter, might even say that my opinion is divisive.

But my objective is to follow what Christ taught, not what most people think He taught.

Jesus loved His enemies. So do I.

He prayed for those who persecuted Him. So do I.

He was willing to go to any length to reconcile man and God, and He gave me a ministry of reconciliation. I take that ministry very seriously.

He died for me before I repented

But… He didn't forgive me until I repented.

His gift of love, His sacrifice on the cross, forgiveness of sins, is freely given.
Salvation is by grace through faith.
Receiving the benefits of that salvation requires repentance.

I want to follow the pattern that He set.
That doesn't mean that I don't love my enemies, it doesn't mean that I am bitter, and it doesn't mean that I am holding a record of wrongs.

It means that before I trust you with my wallet, you had better stop stealing from me.

Before I will treat you like I treated you before you sinned against me that you must repent.
Until then there are consequences to your actions.

This is how I forgive those who have trespassed against me.
This is the measure that I hope you will use when I sin against you.

I am willing to forgive. I'm not interested in holding grudges. I am not bitter or upset. But until you stop stealing from me, I'm not going to give you my wallet. No matter how badly it makes you feel that I don't trust you, I'm not going to treat you like everything is okay until you repent. Until you come to the place where you recognize that your behavior is responsible for the damage to our relationship, the relationship will not be repaired.

Until then, love covers over a multitude of sins.

Love is what compels me to feed my enemy when he is hungry, and to give him a drink when he is thirsty.

Forgiveness may be dependent on repentance, but love is a gift freely given.