4 Months

It's been 4 months, since I started this Sabbatical, and I think I've started to turn a corner.  Looking back, The first few months were about getting my head clear, getting to a place where I could read the Bible and pray without overwhelming emotions.

New Year's Eve is what really did it for me.  14 years in a row I organized an all night New Year's party for teenagers.  This year, while my wife worked, I sat at home and cried.  It certainly wasn't the first time I have cried since leaving my church, but this time it was different, not motivated by hurt, frustration or the deep sense of loss over the relationships that are no more...  No, this time it was because I wasn't serving.

This time I cried, because I remembered how New Year's Eve was the time when something would change with the students we were serving.  Each year at this time there would be a subtle shift, something about the shared experience of being up all night, long talks and goofy experiences that paved the way for deeper relationships and life change.  I cried because that wasn't happening this year.

It was good to finally get to peal back all of the temporary earthly circumstances, and just face what's eternally important, God's mission and His calling.

Another Sabbatical Update

The Sabbatical continues, but feel like I am starting to learn some of the lessons I need to learn. 

I am getting into a better rhythm of spending time in the Word, and have enjoyed unpacking Acts, Romans and Corinthians.  One of the high points of my week is Thursday night when a good friend comes over and we discuss what we’ve been learning from the word, and pray through those areas of our lives that God is trying to refine.  It has been so good to have someone holding me accountable, and praying for me on this journey through uncharted territory.

One of my biggest concerns heading into this Sabbatical was wondering where I would find people with whom I could process my thoughts.  I come to better conclusions when I can talk things out and get other perspectives.  (This desire to get other peoples’ perspectives is one of the reasons that I started blogging)  Thankfully, God had a plan for that, and had my Sabbatical start up the same time he had some of our best friends, and their 4 kids, move in with us.  The community that we are sharing has been such a blessing, in that it simultaneously has allowed me to withdraw from most things, without withdrawing completely.  I have a brother I can bounce ideas off, extra kids to love on, and people I can serve; even it is just by playing with an adorable baby for a few minutes while her momma does chores.  Having built in playmates for my kids has also given me time to exercise, stack my wood, and find quite minutes to read.

We’ve found a church where we can ‘hide’.  By that I mean we’ve found a place where we can worship, and listen to practical teaching without feeling the need to be social.  We know this is not ideal, but it is a step in the right direction for us.  Checking out churches after a messy separation feels like I imagine dating would feel after your spouse has died… Maybe it is a healthy part of moving on with life, but mostly it’s just awkward, especially at the beginning...  That said, it has been good to see my kids learning from people who are investing time during the week into finding ways to make God’s word come alive to little minds.  There is nothing quite like hearing your 3 year old tell you that he won’t be afraid because, as he says “I know God is always with me, so it would be silly to be afraid!”, especially when that was the bottom line from last Sunday’s lesson for preschoolers...

But Isaac isn’t the only one who has been learning.  I’ve been challenged by a few of the messages as well.  One talked about how much more effective the truth is when it comes from a joyful person.  This really hit home, because one criticism I received at the end of my time at Calvary Baptist was that I always seemed ready for a fight.  I realize now that this put people on the defensive and made them less likely to listen to what I had to say, no matter how right I may have been.  If the same truth had been delivered with a smile instead of a scowl, it might have been more effective.  I had lost heart and become wearing in doing good.  Because of that fatigue, I was short tempered and irritable.   

I learned Galatians 6:9 in the NIV which says “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.”  I took the verse a reminder not to quit when I became weary” But really the verse says “DO NOT BECOME WEARY”.  The NASB says more clearly: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary”.  Hear we see that weariness itself can have a negative, even catastrophic impact on the outcome of our service to God.  There is a connection between the attitude (heart) that we bring to doing good and the effectiveness of it. 

It isn’t as though we shouldn’t be passionate.  Paul, who said “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” also said, “I have great sorrow and unceasing anguish in my heart.  For I wish that I myself were cursed and cut off from Christ for the sake of my people, those of my own race, the people of Israel.” He was clearly passionate.  But something kept that passion from becoming crippling frustration and bitterness. 

I am not sure what that something was.  Perhaps it was in realizing that we are responsible for our own obedience, and not responsible for convincing others to obey?  Jesus shared the truth but finally said, “Jerusalem, Jerusalem, you who kill the prophets and stone those sent to you, how often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, and you were not willing.  Look, your house is left to you desolate.”  He knew that the responsibility to respond was ultimately on the hearer.  He told his disciples “If the home is deserving, let your peace rest on it; if it is not, let your peace return to you.  If anyone will not welcome you or listen to your words, leave that home or town and shake the dust off your feet.”  He didn’t say “find a different way to make them listen” he said something much more like “brush it off and go find someone who will listen”. 

Maybe the secret is in knowing when to withdraw and move on.  Jesus practiced this, He trained His disciples to do it, and Paul certainly did.  They all faced a certain amount of adversity, but also knew when to call it a day, and when to pack it up and move on.  Then again, Jesus faced the stress of his ministry by frequently withdrawing to lonely places to pray. Maybe it isn’t about quitting, maybe it is about finding ways to unplug and blow off steam before you boil over.  Maybe regular withdrawal needs to be part of my discipline?  Or maybe “Suffering brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; and hope does not disappoint.”  Such hope, that the One who called you to do something is able to do it, even when you are not, may prevent you from losing heart when circumstances cause great sorrow and unceasing anguish…  

Sabbatical Thoughts

About a month ago I started a Sabbatical from most everything except my family and my day job.  I started by going out into the woods to get a lone with God, and God was kind enough to meet me out there.

It started with a phone call to my favorite remote camping spot.  When I told the lady on the other end of the line what campsite I was hoping to get she laughed, because it is always booked, but to her surprise, it was open.  On the drive I caught the tail end of a sermon about Uzziah, a king of Judah, and the story intrigued me. (click on his name to read about him) Since I didn't get to hear the entire sermon, I started my time in the Word with his tale.  

In short Uzziah was a king who started well, doing what was right in God's eyes and accomplishing many good things, but he overstepped, and tried to do things that we not for him to do, but only for the priests.  Because of this God gave him leprosy, and he had spend the rest of his life cut off from the people and from the house of the Lord.

In my New America Standard Bible, the section heading for this particular tale reads "Pride is Uzziah's Undoing".  Uzziah had done many good things, and as he became strong he also became proud. This passage acts as a very clear mirror into my own heart... The Word doesn't tell us why Uzziah went into the Temple to burn incense, instead of letting the priests do it, so I speculate that maybe he knew what should be done (burning the incense), but never didn't consider that God had a specific plan for how it should be done. 

My mind tends to glaze over when I read the myriad rules for temple worship that we find in the Bible.  And even though we don't follow that particular prescription for worship today, one fact becomes abundantly clear as we read those rules is that God cares deeply about how we do things and why we do them.  He doesn't just plan the ends, He plans the means.  

Reinforcing this thought was a passage in Acts 13.  Here we read that some men were fasting and praying when they received instructions from God.  But it is what they did next that grabbed my attention.  Rather than jumping right up and acting on those instructions, they continued to fast and pray. When their time of prayer and fasting were ended, they carried out the instructions.  I tend to listen only long enough to get the big picture, then I rush off to do things my own way, in my own strength.  These guys in Acts, heard God while they were fasting and praying, and they kept listening before acting.  

And so my Sabbatical continues, as I strive to learn to listen.

Sabbatical

I am taking a Sabbatical.  Sabbatical (from Latin sabbaticus, from Greek sabbatikos, from Hebrew shabbat, i.e., Sabbath, literally a "ceasing") is a rest from work, or a break, often lasting from two months to a year. The concept of sabbatical has a source in shmita, described several places in the Bible (Leviticus 25, for example, where there is a commandment to desist from working the fields in the seventh year)

I need an extended period of rest and time with God, So I have decided to take a Sabbatical.  A "ceasing" from just about everything.  I'm thinking of it as a type of fast, where I replace the hectic pace of life with lots of time for the Word, and reflection on what my priorities should be.  

I'm can't quit my day job, because my responsibility to my family necessitates working, but I won't be leading a small group, or a youth group for the foreseeable future.  I don't know when it will end, or what life will look like when it is over. But as of today I have resigned from my church and the responsibilities there. 

I've asked 2 brothers in Christ meet with me regularly during this undefined period of time, because I believe that we all need accountability and that Christians need other Christians in order to function.  My wife has done the same with a couple of women.

I'm not going to be blogging during the sabbatical.  I plan to keep Facebook use to a minimum.  My goal is to learn how to listen.  I am not trying to hide from people, so please don't hesitate to reach out via Facebook, Email or phone.  If I am going to to re-learn how to listen, I need to be still and know that He is God.

NOTE:  If you have any questions about what is happening with the youth group at CBC or the Sunday morning small group you should contact one of the deacons at CBC. 

More Eloquent

If you were intrigued by the Big Red Tractor story, then carve out 45 minutes to check out this video of a message Francis Chan gave at the Verge Conference.

I love the point he makes, that if we just opened the Bible without centuries of tradition, we would not do church the way we do it.

I admire the humility with which he says that he and his church haven't figured out how to fix that, but they are working on it.

I am challenged by the idea, that if what we read in Acts was "they met together once a week, sang songs and someone taught, and the next week they did it again" instead of all of the radical commitment, and sacrifice we read about, then no one would have believed their message.

I am intrigued by the surfing analogy he uses, because I have spent so much time kicking trying to create a wave, rather than keeping instep with the Spirit.

I am sick in my stomach when he makes the comparison between how his daughter would treat his command to clean her room, and how we treat Jesus' commands, because I've spent more time memorizing and studying than going and doing, by a ratio of about 10 to 1.

What did you take away?

The Big Red Tractor

One of the blogs that helps me Re-Think is the Verge Network, and they recently posted some challenging content from Francis Chan.  I wanted to pass it along to you.

First is a short video called "The Parable of the Big Red Tractor" Take 5 minutes to watch the video and hear a short explanation from the author.

I have been one of those villagers pushing for all he is worth on the tractor...

Re-Thinking 'Church'

What is the church?

We first see the word church in our Bibles after Peter said “you are the Christ the Son of the living God” and Jesus replies “on this rock I will build my church”.  

I wonder what the disciples thought when they heard that?  Was “church” a new word to them?  Did they have a concept of big buildings where people would gather for a few hours a week to sing and hear a sermon?

The word Jesus used that we translate “church” meant “a gathering of people”, and would have been familiar to the disciples.  Geek Note: the modern word “church”, comes from a German word that means “a place of gathering”.  I think the word reveals something about the shift in theology that took place sometime between the first century gathering of people who believed that Jesus was Lord, and the hay day of the Roman Catholic Church where religion and political power were synonymous.  (Andy Stanley talks about this idea in his book "Deep and Wide" and I would highly recommend the book)

Somewhere along the line our collective church culture's thinking changed from, “My church is the group of people who help me live out the mission of Christ”, to “My church is the place I go to meet with people who agree with me about God”. 

I know ‘traditional church’ works.  I wouldn’t be who I am today without it.  That said, since I was 15 years old, I have been involved in full or part time church ministry, both vocationally and as a volunteer.  During almost 2 decades of trying to operate within the institution of the church, I have often felt like I imagine David felt when he tried on Saul’s armor before his big battle with Goliath.  David was offered armor fit for a king, yet he decided “I’m better off without this.”  It wasn’t an insult to the armor, it was excellent armor. (and it is not at all my intention to insult traditional church or anyone who finds it to be the most effective way to make disciples) But God had a specific way he wanted the battle to go, a way that would bring the most Glory to God, so David eschewed the conventional wisdom of battle and stepped out with the tools of shepherd to do something that seemed impossible to those with the most formal training, the most experience, and best equipment.

While I have chafed in the armor of traditional church, I have continued to wear the armor because I didn’t know any other way to carry out the command to make disciples or the command to 'forsake not the assembling of yourselves together'.  I didn’t want to simply run away from a certain way of doing things, I wanted to run toward something.  After years of searching, I think I finally know what to run toward.

So if you are fighting to make disciples, but just feel like the traditional armor doesn't quite fit the way God is calling you to live, if you have ever wondered if their could be another way to make disciples, and to grow as a disciple,  if you have ever wondered how to make living out your faith look just a little more like what we see in Acts, then take a minute to imagine with me...

It begins when you and one or two others commit to reading the same scripture each week.  Once a week you meet to discuss it, to confess sin to each other, to pray for each other and to pray for the people in your lives that do not yet know Jesus.  Jesus said that “Where two or three are gathered together in my name, I am there with them”. Throughout the week other Christians are meeting in the same way.  

The early church made meeting regularly in their homes a high priority, so every week or two, those little groups get together for a meal with other little groups and for some quality time in the Word.  But here’s the catch, you choose your community group not on a basis of geography or your schedule, your age, marital status or demographic, but on common mission.  For example, if you feel that God’s desire is for you to help your co-workers come to know Jesus, you meet with others who also see work as their mission field.  Together you discuss how to best reach your coworkers.  Together you re-arrange your lives so that you can minister to your co-workers.  You become a community of missionaries to that pocket of people in your community.  Maybe you have a favorite hobby, and you meet with those who share that hobby and discuss how to use your common interest to reach people who have the same interest, but don’t know Jesus.  Maybe you have a love for kids, or the elderly, or the hungry or the homeless.  So you live your life with people who want to make disciples of the same people that you feel called to be a missionary to.

Just because you don’t share a common pocket of people in your community that you want to reach doesn’t mean you can’t fellowship.  So these missional communities gather with other missional communities for fellowship, communion, mutual encouragement, baptisms, testimonies about what God is doing, and to worship the God that inspires us to reorient our lives, our schedules and our finances around the sick, instead of the healthy, the sinners instead of the righteous.  Now you are united to the body of Christ by common mission. Instead of a church having a mission statement, the mission of God has a church.

This is a thumbnail view, and I could spend hours sharing the scriptures, authors, blogs, and sermons that have inspired me, and maybe I will in future posts or in conversations around my kitchen table (if you are interested).  For now it is sufficient to say that this is what I am running toward.  And the coolest part is that it doesn’t require running away from anything.  Making this vision work doesn’t require gathering at a certain time, nor does it matter if members of this missional community are in different places for a few hours on a Sunday morning.  Each one is still free, even encouraged to go wherever they find practical teaching or great worship music, because he church isn’t a place you go to hear sermons and sing songs, the church is the people that help you carry out the command to make disciples. 

My hope is to start with one or two people that I can meet with regularly, while helping others connect to people who are looking for this kind of accountability.  As a network of these “two or three” gatherings start to meet my hope is that we will get together to share a meal, share some time in the word, and discuss who we can reach and how.  My hope is that our missional ideas will inspire others to either join us in making disciples and that as we focus on the mission Jesus gave us, those who have never known Jesus will join the family of believers.  I am not looking for anyone to leave a church or join a church.  Instead I am hoping to come along side believers from many churches to help people live out the call to make disciples to be missionaries where they live, work and play.  I am hoping that together we can “live such good lives among the pagans that they may see our good deeds and glorify our father who is in heaven” 

If you have any questions, or if you are interested in being a part of something like this please contact me.